Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Wayward Side :
I need help

Topic is Sleeping.
stop

 Pleaseforgiveme1 (original poster New Member #70845) posted at 12:50 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

I haven't posted my story because I'm a little afraid of the 2x4's and my story is so long and I frankly don't remember a lot of it. Lame wayward justification? Maybe, I don't think so, but it could be true. What I'm looking for is a mentor or just someone who could help me thru this. I'm desperate and I'm about to lose my family again and I know I can't handle that. Please, if anyone can help get in touch with me. Thanks for listening.

posts: 7   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2019
id 8569396
default

HFSSC ( Member #33338) posted at 1:56 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Putting on my Wayward hat because weekends can be slow around here and you said you’re desperate.

You posted a reply 2 weeks ago on a thread by another WW. And you post tonight, in desperation, but it’s clear you want to control the outcome. Nobody can help you with that. There’s no mentor to guide you that way.

You want to know why? Because that way doesn’t work. It’s an illusion. But it leads nowhere. And that’s where you already are.

Write out a timeline. You’re going to need it anyway. Make an outline and fill in details. Then post your story and ask for help. Find the willingness to ask and the humility to listen. And let go of the outcome. You may have lost your family. You have absolutely no control over that now. What you have control over is you. That’s it.

See? No 2x4s. Probably not what you wanted to hear but it’s what you need to hear right now. I hope you stay. I hope you share your story and find your way to being a safe human being. Maybe you’ll be able to be a safe partner for your XH.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4595   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8569415
default

Lostallalone ( Member #69792) posted at 10:21 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Trust me people here do care. Make sure you have a stop sign to keep BS from commenting. Sometimes they don't cross post effectively. But as for the experienced WS on here they may come across mean. You may take offense.(I did originally.) But rereading past comments I saw that it was me that was in the wrong not them. Posting here is just a step in a long process to heal.

A rock feels no pain...and an Island never cries

posts: 135   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2019   ·   location: Indiana
id 8569505
default

Lostallalone ( Member #69792) posted at 10:21 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Triple post

[This message edited by Lostallalone at 8:57 AM, August 3rd (Monday)]

A rock feels no pain...and an Island never cries

posts: 135   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2019   ·   location: Indiana
id 8569506
default

Lostallalone ( Member #69792) posted at 10:21 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Double post sorry

[This message edited by Lostallalone at 4:22 AM, August 3rd (Monday)]

A rock feels no pain...and an Island never cries

posts: 135   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2019   ·   location: Indiana
id 8569507
default

BraveSirRobin ( Member #69242) posted at 2:23 PM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

The goal of reconciliation is understandable, but as a WS, that desire can stand squarely in the way of doing the work that's necessary to accomplish R. You're alone and frightened, willing to say or do anything to set back the clock and convince your BS to give you another chance. That's a situation that's tailor made for more excuses, more minimization, and more lies. Your BS doesn't need empty promises; they need a safe partner, and the first step of becoming safe is to look backward and face what you did.

As far as not remembering a lot: this can be true and not true, simultaneously. Details can be forgotten naturally, but unless your A was a long time ago, the essential information is still in there somewhere. I suspect that you're experiencing a selective memory process where you're just blanking out the things you don't want to admit to. I did that; I persuaded myself that if I didn't remember the facts, then the facts would cease to exist, like the old "if I tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound" debate. It did a lot of damage. When I finally forced my head around to look, most of it was still there.

Please post your story. There may be some stern words, but they come from a place of wanting to help you. If you can't face a bunch of internet strangers who did the same thing you did, how can you face your BS? And if you can't give them the truth, why should they try to reconcile?

WW/BW 51 (Me)
BH/WH 51 (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2038   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8569560
helpless

 Pleaseforgiveme1 (original poster New Member #70845) posted at 5:28 AM on Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

Thank you everyone for replying. We've had a rough couple of days and I haven't been able to come reply to everyone. I will tomorrow for sure. So for now, thabjs for the advice and please check back with me soon.

P.S. I will post my story soon.

Thanks again!

posts: 7   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2019
id 8569895
default

MrCleanSlate ( Member #71893) posted at 7:01 PM on Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

Pleaseforgiveme,

I trolled on this website almost 5 years ago after my D-Day and was too afraid to post back then, so I understand the apprehension.

What I can say is there is an awful lot of people here willing to offer some really good solid advice, and the occasional 2x4's are meant to help get your head out of your ass, not to knock you down for no reason.

So instead of telling your whole story, why not just tell us a bit about yourself and the salient facts - D-Day, length of A, EA or PA, how old you both are, how long you've been together. It can help start a conversation. Sometimes it is better to chunk things out.

[This message edited by MrCleanSlate at 1:02 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

WH 52,my BW is 51
1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015
Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday
“To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 667   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8570154
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210918 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy