Newest Member: username3016

Divorce/Separation :
Are these feeling normal?

Topic is Sleeping.
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 baconeggs (original poster New Member #72563) posted at 11:27 PM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

WW decided she wanted to leave the marriage after 8 months of trying to reconcile. Durning this period I was doing a lot of pain shopping. We were together for about 25 years and have 2 kids (19 & 14) At first I was a bit of a mess, lots of anaxity, worry etc. My doctor precibed some anti anaxity meds. In retrospect it was fear of the unknown, fear for the boys especially how the youngest was taking it. After the first week I could see the youngest was OK and back to his normal self, Then one day I woke up and it felt like a million tones was just lifted of my shoulders, and thoughts of the affair, the pain,the anger were gone, it didn't matter anymore. Have others felt this before? I thought I would be a mess for months. Maybe I am happy the marriage is over. I have already started planning my future and am exicited by it. When I see her I am friendly to her and am happy to see her and I dont feel any anger. I invited her over for dinner on one of the kids birthdays and we had a great time and when she left I didn't care.

I am a bit worried about these great feelings I am feeling . Will things like anger, sadness, etc come back to bite me in the future.

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2020
id 8569364
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BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 2:26 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Hey bacon. Most of us report a roller coaster ride for a while longer. But there are these moments of clarity when we see that the damage that all of the tension and lies had us under. So don’t be surprised if you still have those moments of deep sadness it takes time to get over a marriage that long. I was also married 25 years so I understand. What you are experiencing is the relief of taking control of your own life and of your own destiny that I think you’ll start to see that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Keep getting your ducks aligned and get yourself out of infidelity if that’s what you need to do. sometimes it’s really a relief to be the one moving forward.

Best of luck, bacon. You’re going to be just fine.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4211   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8569425
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 baconeggs (original poster New Member #72563) posted at 4:41 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

thanks BearlyBreathing, I will have to assume that there will be good days and bad days. Hopefully there are more good days

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2020
id 8569449
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skeetermooch ( Member #72169) posted at 4:45 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Bacon,

With a former relationship I had a very similar reaction to yours. I had this light bulb moment where it hit me that I didn't have to live like I was any longer, no more suspicion, no more snooping, no more traumatic discoveries - I felt so free. The relationship was only about 8 years but very serious. I was amazed and how easy the break up was for me - I never second guessed it.

Sadness crept in oddly - I'd get extraordinarily hurt by a small slight and find myself in tears. But all in all it was relatively easy because staying with a man who cheated on me was like being brainwashed - and once I snapped out of it there was no going back into that trance.

I wish I could feel like that this time around.

Enjoy your epiphany!

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1165   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8569452
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Katz13 ( Member #41886) posted at 4:50 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Bacon,

I'm jealous of your clarity. I hope for those feelings on a daily basis. I would say they are normal and happy for you.

posts: 130   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: USA
id 8569453
Topic is Sleeping.
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