Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Wayward Side :
Stupid

Topic is Sleeping.
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 dontknowwhy (original poster New Member #74916) posted at 9:02 PM on Friday, July 17th, 2020

I can't believe I'm posting here.

My husband cheated on me before and we worked through it. It was a brief fling, both emotion and sex involved, and it hurt me very much. I always swore I didn't get how boundaries can be crossed like that.

Well, a week ago I'd had a glass of wine too many and was just winding down for bed, watching TV, when I got a random message from an old co-worker. Haven't talked to this guy in over a decade. He was asking about another coworker of ours that I was friends with, nothing odd. We were just chatting, catching up, and somehow it devolved into a really inappropriate, sexual conversation.

I honestly am foggy on how it happened. I didn't even remember it (I don't usually drink so that wine really really didn't sit well with me) until I woke up to an apology from him (he said he was intoxicated too) and we agreed that it was stupid and that we were super embarrassed and would never do it again. I was so ashamed that I went and deleted the conversation, I didn't want to read back through it or have anything to do with it ever again.

However, I'm realizing that was the wrong thing to do. I'm so disappointed that I went there, and I think I have to tell my husband what happened. I guess my problem is that I don't know really what happened? I remember some of the messages (enough to know it was really inappropriate) but I have no idea how it got to that point or what that slippery slope looked like. Should I just tell him that, that I can't remember most of it but I know it happened? That seems really crappy. I've stewed over it and thought about it since it happened and I honestly cannot recall most of the conversation. I wish I hadn't erased it.

Anyway, I'm a mess over it. I have never done anything like this before and have always told my husband if anyone ever said something inappropriate to me or whatever - not for him to do anything, just for transparency. He has never been a jealous type and I think he probably will brush this off too, but that doesn't mean anything. Ugh, I hate this...

posts: 1   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2020
id 8563210
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wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 10:24 PM on Friday, July 17th, 2020

PM for you dontknowwhy

FBH - 50 FWW - 50 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 14 & 18
The people you do your life with shape the life you live

posts: 54747   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2007   ·   location: Michigan
id 8563235
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( Moderator #29447) posted at 2:13 PM on Sunday, July 19th, 2020

dontknowwhy, welcome and I’m sorry you find yourself here.

I recommend telling him sooner than later. Honesty is the best way through this. I’m technologically savvy, but I do know there are recovery apps that can get that text string back for clarification.

You will also need to make sure you stop all contact with this guy. Block him.

Tell your husband everything you can, try to recover the conversation to fill in blanks, and then start to work on why you went down that road. There is typically a deeper reason than intoxication.

Me: WS late 40’s
Him: BH (HoldingTogether)
D Day: 7/24/2010
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 14259   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Texas
id 8563755
Topic is Sleeping.
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