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He left us 7 times

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Zaksmummy posted 6/22/2020 15:27 PM

Thanks everyone, you are all so right. I know it. Yes, that makes a total of 8 times leaving over the lockdown period. I really am struggling with just simply understanding his cruelty, not just to me but his son. The day he left this last time (yesterday) was Fathers Day in the UK. How could he do that to his son?! I just canít comprehend it.

Nope, heís not ever coming back through my door. I canít take another leaving and neither can my DS. but I still grieve for him because I still love him. Truly wish I didnít.

I already have a lawyer lined up. Iím going to give myself a few days then start the process off. I have gone Ďdarkí on him just because I have nothing left to say to him. Iíve blocked him on phone but he can reach me via e mail for stuff like his son or bills etc. Iím not expecting him to ask how DS is doing since he didnít last time.

So looks like itís me and DS taking on the world together. Iím going to teach my DS how to be a real man.

Iím hoping for some peace to come my way, hopefully soon.

fareast posted 6/22/2020 15:33 PM

Strength to you. I hope you follow through with the attorney. No contact means no new hurts.

[This message edited by fareast at 9:03 PM, June 26th (Friday)]

Anna123 posted 6/22/2020 15:43 PM

I am so sorry you are dealing with this pain. I am glad you are resolute in not letting him back. I have to ask you though, if he convinces you again, please consider how much harder it will be for your son the next time he leaves. the roller coaster is not healthy for him.

If there is any indication that cheater has/is or in the future tells your son this is your fault because you kicked him out or would not let him back, make sure your son knows what he has done. Make a list of the times he has left, and let him know it is not healthy as a family for this to ever happen again. All this without bad mouthing Dad, I know, it's tough but just the facts so son is clear this is Dad's doing, and not some equal argument between parents or Mom just being mean or over-sensitive. My son was 12 when mine cheated, it was so sad, but son is doing great now.

Take care.

Zaksmummy posted 6/23/2020 12:17 PM

An hour ago, I felt so strong. And angry. But now I feel so sad, and I just cannot see a way through. I looked at houses to see what I will be able to afford. My budget buys something pretty awful. I just feel that I wonít be able to give my DS a decent home. I just feel like a complete and utter failure.

EllieKMAS posted 6/23/2020 12:38 PM

(((ZM)))

It's ok that you're all over the place. You will be for a while. Going through this is a huge trauma - and grieving your losses here is normal. Unfortunately, that grief process is not linear at all. It is backwards and forwards and up and and down and some days not moving at all, while other days will feel like you're in a tornado. And there is no way to short-cut the process either.

For now, just take it in small bites. After dday, I had some days I literally existed in 10 minute increments. Be kind to yourself if you feel weak or sad or miss him. You are allowed all your feelings. Definitely start the wheels turning with legal matters - no matter what happens in a month or 6 months, make sure you have taken the steps necessary to protect you and your DS.

Lastly (even though I know it doesn't feel that way right now) you WILL make it through this, I promise.

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