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Dismayed2012 ( member #49151) posted at 6:50 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
Your cheating wife is right about one thing broken, "it doesn't matter what she wants".
Like ryno said, meeting with a lawyer will allow you to inform yourself on the options you have available to you. It doesn't matter if you don't want to divorce. The point is you need to educate yourself on all of your options.
Additionally, upping the embarrassment factor is crucial to rehabilitation. You should be blowing this up to the other man's wife, personnel at her work if they both work at the same company, your/her family, and your friends. Your family and friends can't support you if they don't know what's going on. Don't tell your WW what you're doing or going to do. She'll only tip everyone off if you tell her first. Don't allow her to have any control over this.
The reason for your wife's current down-mood is that she's been caught and is possibly losing her lover. Her behavior has nothing to do with remorse and is not helping your marriage. She's been willing the entire time to destroy her family and children in order to have another man inside her. That should make you angry and should make you want to take the necessary decisive actions to get yourself out of infidelity and take your life back.
This life is about you and your children now. Your wife has proven how she feels about those who should have been most important to her. Take your life back and live it free from the drama your WW is dumping on you. You have value; act like it. Take care of yourself. I wish the best for you.
Infidelity sucks. Freedom rocks.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 7:45 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
Sounds like she wants to comply, but only enough to keep you quiet.
She needs harsh and immediate consequences. NO MORE LIES OR YOU FILE.
Expose her to everyone. Lawyer up and file. Let her earn her way back. She's completely toxic, especially for your kids.
Let her know that you believe everything she is telling you is a lie unless she can prove otherwise, with your verification.
What's more important to you - staying married or being in a healthy relationship that provides a nurturing environment for your kids? You can be divorced and still provide a happy home for the kids. I'm not saying D is the only option. But R is only possible when both partners are 100% committed.
Filing might wake her up. But if not you can at least show your kids some strength by ending this broken, abusive marriage.
[This message edited by squid at 1:48 PM, March 3rd, 2020 (Tuesday)]
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
brokendad19 (original poster member #72531) posted at 9:17 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
Thanks again all. It's hard to grasp what's actually happening while in the middle of all this.
At this point I'm starting to come to the realization she's not going to be honest with me.
For those that left where did you go? There's no family or friends that'll let me stay.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 9:33 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
For those that left where did you go? There's no family or friends that'll let me stay.
Oh, no, no, no, no..... If anyone goes, it needs to be her. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. This could have negative ramifications if you opt for D.
Let her family and friends know what is going on and ask them to accommodate her while you figure out your next decision.
[This message edited by squid at 3:34 PM, March 3rd, 2020 (Tuesday)]
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
faithfulman ( member #66002) posted at 9:35 PM on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
For those that left where did you go? There's no family or friends that'll let me stay.
Why would you leave?
Let her leave, she is the one who has been leaving the family.
If you leave you are losing legal leverage, and you might as well invite another man into your home.
[This message edited by faithfulman at 3:36 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday)]
brokendad19 (original poster member #72531) posted at 5:22 PM on Wednesday, March 4th, 2020
Thought I would leave as it's hard to be in the house these days. Everything in it reminds me of us, her, and them. My thinking was a change of scenery might help my depressive state.
Smillie ( member #51537) posted at 6:31 PM on Wednesday, March 4th, 2020
If you want to leave then it is best to get legally separated and have a temp custody agreement in place. It would be wise to consult with a lawyer and get some more information.
[This message edited by Smillie at 12:31 PM, March 4th (Wednesday)]
Dismayed2012 ( member #49151) posted at 8:26 PM on Thursday, March 5th, 2020
"My thinking was a change of scenery might help my depressive state."
Redecorate the house to your liking. Box up photos and anything that gives you problems. Go to a consignment shop or second hand store and purchase things to spruce the house up. Don't leave the home. Instead make it your home. If she doesn't like it, tell her she can leave. This life is about you now. Make it yours and never allow anyone to tell you different. Take care of yourself.
Infidelity sucks. Freedom rocks.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 8:53 PM on Thursday, March 5th, 2020
Get separation or D paperwork filed before you leave.
Don’t make this worse.
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