"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Incarnate posted 2/3/2020 03:09 AM

So, I've taken the re-entry to the dating world slower than when I first started. The first lady I spoke to, I was hardly 6 weeks out from DDay.

I'm approaching six months now. I think I'm at a level. I've not really reached out on OLD, scrolled through once or twice and tapped likes on a few promising ladies, but I never really sent any messages or whatever, and didn't get any real responses.

Until just recently. About three weeks ago, ding! I get a notification from one platform from a lady I liked a while back that she liked me back and had commented on a quote of mine.

I had written;

Mankind's greatest danger lies not in aiming too high and missing his mark, but in aiming too low and achieving it.

~Michelangelo

... and she commented her agreement. I looked over her profile and recognized her. It turned out that we had chatted way back when on a different app, and she had actually been the first person I liked on OLD, and the first person I chatted with, but she had stopped using that platform so we fell away.

We've been chatting now for three weeks. Off and on, mostly on the weekends, maybe a message here and there during the week, more like letters between pen pals, asking questions about each other and getting a feel for compatibility. So far, we're jiving alright; the OLD platform gives us a 92% compatible rating, which is pretty good, I think (I realize algorithms and numbers are a poor judge of personal chemistry, but it's a start).

We were chatting at one point about hiking and exploring beaches (we're both fans of the coast) and I told her I'd never been to the region she was talking about, and she'd have to give me some pointers as to where to go. I quipped that it was a bit to early to ask her to show me herself, I hadn't even asked her out for drinks at a comedy show yet (we're both into stand-up comedy). She said I had her at drinks and comedy. Cue frantic search for a quality comedy show at a decent venue.

Tonight I asked her to go to a show with me on the 15th. It's a little ways out, but we both have kids and schedules to work around, and this gives us both time to make arrangements. She hasn't replied to the message yet, but I doubt she's seen it yet, since it's so late.

So yeah. I'm not as frantically excited about this one as I was the first one, I don't feel so desperate for connection... I've become more comfortable being alone, though I still hate being lonely.

I'm not going into this with a lot of expectation. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, if anything. I'm just sort of... looking, I guess. She seems fun. I think it'll be a fun night, if she says yes. If not, well, I'll probably just go by myself or with one of my buddies. It's after work on a Saturday, so the day is mine; my ex can't screw me up by staying out too late; I'll just, yaknow, not come home after work.

Still. Kinda nervous. I've never gone out on a date as a single adult. I don't wanna be too dressed up, but I don't wanna slum it either. I don't wanna be one of those try-too-hard guys, but I don't want to seem like I'm not trying at all.

Man. This crap is complicated.

Maudlin posted 2/3/2020 09:29 AM

It is complicated, but it does not have to be. The main thing to remember is SO many fish in the sea. It doesn’t always seems so, but it is true. Wait for and expect and deserve that perfect fish, don’t settle.

But until the perfect one comes, enjoy! Have fun, meet people, have great sex, feel wanted and beautiful (I know you are a man but ai think that word crosses gender lines). It is truly good for the soul.

I hope it goes fabulously and u til the next morning 😉

EvenKeel posted 2/5/2020 11:10 AM

Just checking in - did you hear back from her?

One thing that jumped out at me is the actual date, with it being Valentine's weekend - places are usually packed so make sure you plan for that (ie that you can get into somewhere for dinner or drinks it you opt too).

Incarnate posted 2/5/2020 11:29 AM

I did actually hear back from her. She was impressed I was able to find a comedy show on short notice, but unfortunately, she was leaving that day to go to Las Vegas with her mother and kids to celebrate her 40th birthday. Totally understand - a week in Vegas or a first date at a comedy show? I'd probably take Vegas, lol.

We exchanged phone numbers and sent a few texts as well, which is opening up the idea of phone communication, which is nice. I'm not much of a phone talker (I prefer to see my conversation partner face-to-face), but hey, I'm gonna have to forge new habits if I'm going to readjust to the dating scene.

HalfTime2017 posted 2/6/2020 15:33 PM

Good luck Incarnate. I've seen so many of your responses on here. I'm in SoCal, and wrapped up my D in 2017. Have fun man. There is many many fish in the sea.

Happy for you bro. If you're just getting back into the dating world, I'd advise you to pick up a couple of books to "adjust". It was a tremendous help to me. It makes it much easier. I'll equate it to a higher batting average once you get them in person. Before that, its still clicking pictures and waiting to see who might connect, but once in person, those books really helped.