SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don’t think I am trying to jump into a new relationship. But maybe I am.

Support IRL is important so don't sweat it. Just be aware of what you can offer someone at this time in your life and what she can offer at this time in hers. You're an adult and so is she. If you both are fully informed and aware and you don't make commitments that you can't or won't keep then go ahead. I think having a friend you can talk to is a good idea.

But even on here you seem to jump to any show of slight affection from your WW so just consider that you really aren't ready for someone new in your life romantically.

I get that you have had this vacation planned for some time, but I would encourage you to start distancing yourself from her as much as possible.

She wants out. So stop letting her have the benefits of being your spouse.

No more sex. No more affection. No more hand holding, or tickling, or whatever ego kibbles and attention nibs that she seems to so desperately need.

She is giving you very mixed messages, telling you she wants out, and isn't attracted, but then asking you to tickle her, what the hell. Time to start saying No. It's empowering to start taking control back and you will find that you will start find some clarity and strength when you do.

I don't remember your kids ages, but if you are all staying in the same room then I would switch things up and sleep with a kid instead of her if at all possible, and if you have to share beds. She fired you. You don't get to ask people you

have fired to come back and do work for you. She can't have it both ways. But only you can stop it.

You have to do this. You have to do that.

Nope. It's not written you have to do anything.

Until you wake up you'll continue to wallow in this.

You are keeping yourself in this.

Why????

My wife has been sleeping with our 10 yr old daughter for quite awhile as it is anyways. That is something that helped create distance between us. I slept just about everywhere else in our house except our bed from like Jan 19 - through August 19

She sleeps with her most nights as our daughter throws a fit if she doesn’t. So not sleeping in the sane bed is not going to be a problem. Our daughter also refuses to let my wife and have any alone time when in the house together. If we are both home, our daughter is right on my wife’s lap.

I have been listening to no more mr nice guy o. Audiobook and I have lost myself. I use to love fishing, camping, video games, poker etc. I don’t have any guy friends to really hang out with. In the cold weather I can’t get out and something and I’m not sure I have any good indoor hobbies to do other than video games. ( which she hates....so maybe I should play some to assert my independence?)

Oh and sex has stopped almost 100% by her. We had sex on the 7th and then I again on 13th. On the 13th she was barely there. The 7th was our anniversary. Yesterday she took care of her own rather than have sex with me. I do t think cutting off sex is going to be an issue.

Man reading all of this just kills me. I really felt like we had a shot up until a few weeks ago. It went from working through it to this so damn quickly.

I have another attorney appt on the 9th.

That is a strangely unhealthy dynamic w/ your daughter as a 10yo she should be wanting to assert her own independence.

That said you should also go get STD tested. Cheaters lie. A LOT. Take back your control. Make sure you are healthy.

Pick up a new hobby that you want to learn, or do. You will find it quite freeing and allow you to start to find yourself again when you start doing things for you.

Personally I learned how to ride a road bike, took up beekeeping, and was off from there....

What is your desire to maintain a sexual relationship with WS while she is in the affair ?

How is her cutting off sex with you an issue ?

You should be detaching.

She is ending you a message. Heed it and do some groundwork on detaching and towards the ultimate outcome which is either divorce or long lasting infidelity.

I may be new here but it seems like Tushnurse has tremendous experience and what she tells you is extremely accurate.

As Marz said, why wallow in this ?

Family vacation

12/28: Flew with her entire family to Orlando. None of them know anything it seems. Went to universal city walk for dinner. She actually played close to me. Asking to wrap my arms around her to keep her warm etc. slept in different beds.

12/29: went to islands of Adventure and played family. I tried to just keep enough distance from her while still keeping her family in the dark that we are crashing. She would reach out to me on a few occasions and even initiated a kiss for the first time in several months. Nothing eventful the rest of the evening.

12/30: went to universal studios and that’s when things got out there. She began her period on the 28, 29, or 30th so I chalked up some of the stuff to dealing with cramping in 80 degree weather BUT prob not so. She kept disappearing to the bathroom every hour or so. Then was very adamant on splitting up to take her niece on a ride which has usually been a huge issue with her. She acted distant and short tempered most of the day. Arguing pretty heavy with her brothers during dinner and just ignoring me for the most part. That night I grabbed her phone and found she had unblocked the other guy on Facebook and deleted her entire search history. I checked our Verizon text logs so she did not try to text him again and he is still blocked on Facebook messenger. I’m don’t know if she just needed to see his face and realize maybe he has moved on? No idea.

12/31: off and on with being around each other until after dinner when she seemed to want to spend time with me. We broke off from the group with our daughter and spent the next several hours doing our own thing at Epcot. We watched the ball drop and she made it a point to reach around our daughter to kiss me at midnight even though our daughter intentionally walked over and stood between us. Still sleeping in different beds

01/01: Not a damn thing has changed so far. I can’t tell if she is getting the closure she needs from the affair or if it really matters at this point.

I still have an appointment with an attorney on the 9th that she does not know about. I am reconnecting with old friends and trying not get in my car and drive over to this dickweed apartment and either end up Iin jail or the hospital.

I want this to end but I am still so stuck on saving this marriage regardless. I still have feelings for her.

I re-read the advice given and try to get my mind right so I am not hurting myself anymore. Once this vacation is over it should be easier to get some spaceand free my mind

The rest of the trip went like I figured. I walked behind her and my daughter with my son wandering with his iPhone in his face and AirPods in. She did not run off any more. Thursday she was getting irritable and stressed with her family. On Friday the temperature climbed and we were standing in line for pirates of the Caribbean for about 2 hours. I spent that time fanning her with the bill of my hat to keep her cool. Later she got angry with our son and her family. I stuck with her. The next morning things changed. She made our daughter sit with our son on the airport shuttle so I could sit with her. She put her hand on my knee and rested her head on my shoulder. While at the airport, she would kiss me every time she had to walk off. On the drive home, we stopped for dinner. While eating talking she rubbed my back. She snags snuggled with me in the evenings and even sex has resumed. With her actually being passionate.

She does have the OM unblocked on Facebook and found how to unblock him in messenger. I don’t think she has messaged him yet though as they do not show as “connected” yet.

I do think she was talking to someone on Monday evening. There was message that cane in and then she asked me to go pick up our daughter from dance class. When I checked later, there was not a message meaning she deleted it. I’m not sure who she was tallying yo but I know she also looked up god profile that evening.

I’m stuck as I am building hope that our marriage can be saved and I can start rebuilding my life.

Did you have your appt with the lawyer yet?

Oh she is letting you hit that hopium pipe hard.

You need to see that attorney and make some real demands of her if you are not going to separate or D.

Was supposed to meet with attorney today but had to reschedule as I could not get out of the office. Had tpeople our and too much slack to pick up. My spot is now Jan 23

This was a very difficult read and it seems to me you're still very much reacting out of trauma. It's so difficult to divorce what we want in the moment vs what's best for us in the long run when in the midst of ongoing trauma. I believe everyone hits a moment when they simply refuse to be abused any more, I truly hope for your sake that moment comes soon.

It also seems to me your wife is using intimacy to manipulate you. Reading through your posts you seemed to be getting to a point where you were ready to detach but then she starts getting closer to you and initiates sex and you're back on the hopium pipe. I think if you were to avoid any sort of intimate touch you would see this situation far more clearly than you do now.

Account4, why haven't you blown up about her unblocking OM? Did you know that FB has a secret messaging function? Her mood on the trip and frequent bathroom trips definitely point to her talking to him. If she's aware that you can check her texts and calls, she has likely taken this deeper underground.

This is cake eating behavior. She's returning to the status quo where she has you at home and OM on the side. If she needs to throw you a bone every once in a while, she'll do it. DO NOT mistake this for R behavior. It's the furthest thing from it. It's rugsweeping and continued cheating. ANY contact with OM is a continuation of the A even if it's an EA. Put your foot down about this and find your anger.

I apologize if this all over the place but I am pretty irrational right now.

She went into the office today. Her friend she goes to lunch is a real bitch and has not been a friend of our relationship. Well my wife calls me and says not to go to get dinner she will get it on her way home. I asked how soon she was leaving and she said she is not sure. 5 minutes later she calls me and says she is on her way but she is going to stop at this bar and grill for a drink with this friend before coming to pick up our daughter to take her to dance class. I got kinda kissed and she said “you are not my father”. Well I had to go get food for the kids and I my Moronic mentality I called the place and asked for the OM. They said he was not there. (She has never stopped for drinks after work before)

I asked my wife to call me on her way home. She texted me so I called and tried to be upbeat. Well apparently my number was on the caller ID and she knew I called and caught me client about it. She then says “I’m trying to work out what I want”. “What did I do to make you think things were getting better”. “Don’t you think I feel guilty? Because you are trying so hard”

I checked her phone and one of the people she was meeting there texted her what drink to order so I doubt that she was there

More proof that she is cake eating and putting you through hell. Go back to the 180 and hold tight for that appointment with your lawyer.

Bud the only one keeping yourself where you are is you.

Brother she is

Go back to hard 180. She is playing both of you off against each other.

Get checked for STDs, her friends are too toxic, she listens to others but not her husband.

Have her served D at her office when she is there. Her friends are hoping she becomes as toxic as they are.

Buffer.

Further info from yesterday. She picked up our daughter. And would not look at me the whole time. She is a redhead and has a short temper and is very strong willed. I kissed her as she left. I did check her phone to see if she had talked to the OM but there was nothing. His profile still showed up but no indication of messaging each other. Immediately after getting into her car, she turned off location sharing with me. I tried calling her a few times after our daughters ballet barre and solo practice were to begin. She did not answer. I freaked out and drove to the OM apartment complex. I did not see her car so I drove home. I texted her asking why she was not answering my calls and that we needed to talk. She replied “why”. I unloaded all the why’s and how she has made her choice and it is clearly not me. That she was very specific about that. And has demonstrated over and over that the OM is where her attention is. I told her that I obviously did not want to end our marriage and leave her and the kids but there does not seem to be any other path.

She replied that she is not ending the marriage and that she just wanted to hang out with the girls. On her way home with our daughter she calls and said she stopped to get a Gatorade and asked if I needed anything. She was acting like nothing has happened?

Her and my daughter retreat to their bed and I checked her phone. I found that the OM had blocked her in Facebook. So between the time she left our house and the time I checked, he did it. After sitting in bed and thinking about what it all

Meant I removed my wedding ring and gave it to my wife. She got out of bed and said I was acting crazy. She refused to say that she had talked to the OM or had any contact with him. I asked her if she got her closure and how. She said she did and she got it from the person she had drinks with (that texted her what to get even though she was there with her?)

She confirmed to me today that she is wanting to work on the marriage but it sounded like she would rather that than deal with the mess that came out of us parting ways.

I almost texted to OM to ask him the last time he talked to or saw my wife but not sure what that would get me or if I would act upon it if it were confirmed my suspicions.

I did get a few more attorney names that are duly poised to be real ball breakers so I am going to call and set up consultations with them as well.

You’re chasing after her for what reason?

Your behavior won’t help in this situation.

It just makes you look needy/clingy which won’t puts you in a bad light.