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An introduction and triggering like crazy...

HurtAgainTwo posted 6/5/2019 11:20 AM

Itís been 14 years I think since I last posted here as a BS. My WS and I eventually divorced in 2008. I just couldnít get past the multiple infidelities and my life has been for the most part great. We have both since married again. WS pretty quickly after the divorce and myself 4 years ago.

What brings me here today is an incident than happened a week ago. My husband along with my parents were having a night out to celebrate my dadís birthday. My husband drank too much and spent over 3 hours ogling a particular female who needless to say enjoyed the attention and spent most of her evening dancing provocatively in front of our table. I asked my husband at one point if he would like me to get her number for him at which point he got up from the table, walked over to where she was sitting, put his arm around her an attempted to sit on her knee.

By this time I quietly picked up my coat and bag and my parents and I proceeded to leave the venue. Followed closely by my husband.

In 4 years of marriage he has never done anything like this that Iím aware of. Certainly not in front of me. We both agree it is totally out of character and he has no explanation for his behaviour apart from being very drunk. This just isnít a good enough explanation and itís brought a whole multitude of hurt to the surface that I thought was long buried. I have zero tolerance for this and have been triggering since this happened to the point now Iím thinking of walking away. I feel he has destroyed any trust I have had for him. He says he hasnít been feeling very loved lately. I am prone to bouts of depression and Iíve been quite low and distant.
Iím hoping that someone who has maybe been in a similar situation can provide some much need help and support. I feel like Iím losing my mind and feel so humiliated

WhoTheBleep posted 6/5/2019 12:09 PM

Is he transparent in all aspects? Phone, computer, etc?

I don't blame you for being triggered. I'd like to say because he also did this in front of your parents, that he was indeed "just drunk" and stupid. Which we all know is not an excuse. If alcohol lets him allow himself to behave this way, then perhaps quitting drinking is in his immediate future.

Have you spoken about the incident with him? Sitting on her lap is pretty bad, but 3 hours of ogling another woman takes time and effort. That part bothers me more.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 12:10 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Queen posted 6/6/2019 09:40 AM

"I have zero tolerance for this and have been triggering since this happened to the point now Iím thinking of walking away. I feel he has destroyed any trust I have had for him. He says he hasnít been feeling very loved lately. I am prone to bouts of depression and Iíve been quite low and distant.
Iím hoping that someone who has maybe been in a similar situation can provide some much need help and support. I feel like Iím losing my mind and feel so humiliated"

So he had an excuse? That he's been feeling lonely lately? Well, I can't think of anything that would make me feel more loving and apt to pay attention to my mate than him behaving like a complete jerk. I'd shut that excuse down immediately. Just "NO". I don't care if he was drunk. His behavior was completely unacceptable. In my opinion, it's on him to fix this. And he needs counseling to find out how he could hurt and disrespect the person he proclaims to love like this.

What does "zero tolerance" mean to you? There is no excuse that makes his behavior acceptable. Your concerns are valid.

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