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toddl1964 (original poster new member #63951) posted at 6:32 AM on Tuesday, July 17th, 2018
Been awhile sense I wrote. Even with everything I been through I tried everything the last month and a half to make it work. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do but I had to know.
She is moving out at the end of the month.
I guess the boy friend can take care of her now. Going to update my attorney in the morning. Personally I am not sure what to do next.
PlanC ( member #47500) posted at 7:46 AM on Tuesday, July 17th, 2018
I am sorry for your situation. How are you holding up?
BS 50; xWW. 4 children.
DD 1: April 2013, confessed ONS June 2012
DD 2: March 2014, confessed affair August 2012 through March 2013
DD 3: October 2015, involuntarily confessed 5 additional ONS starting August 2014 through November 2014 (manic)
ICaughtThem ( member #45041) posted at 6:09 PM on Tuesday, July 17th, 2018
Get STD tested. Open a bank account in your name only. Move 1/2 of all money into it. See if your lawyer thinks it's worth it to hire a PI to get evidence that she's committing adultery if you so choose to go down that route. Maybe you can use it as leverage to get a better settlement so that she can avoid jail time? Buy new locks for the house so that you can change them at the end of the month.
Have you created a co-parenting plan? No way I would let her force you to be the full time parent during the divorce while she gets to play house with the OM. Of course, she would also want shared custody AFTER the divorce so she doesn't have to pay child support. Did she rent a multi-bedroom apartment so the kids can stay there? The idiot down the street from me rented a one bedroom apartment. That doesn't work too well when you have a daughter that is still in school.
Hell, I'd even DNA test the kids. Who really knows how long she has been cheating?
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
ISurvived7734 ( member #60205) posted at 7:06 PM on Tuesday, July 17th, 2018
Personally I am not sure what to do next.
Ask your lawyer - he/she deals with this all the time. Then follow the advice.
"I always look both ways when crossing a one-way street. That's how much faith I have in humanity..."
Dismayed2012 ( member #49151) posted at 9:13 PM on Tuesday, July 17th, 2018
Your STBX is doing you a favor by moving out toddl. I'd be willing to bet that she's been in an affair with another guy for a long time. She got away with it because you were so trusting.
Your sister has good advice, I'd listen to her. Stay on the D train and don't delay it for any reason. You'll thank yourself later.
Read in the Healing Library about the 180 and employ it for your own sake. The kids will be fine as long as you're honest with them. Don't lie to them; it will come back and bite you later if you do. Take care of yourself and your kids.
Infidelity sucks. Freedom rocks.
Ripped62 ( member #60667) posted at 1:58 AM on Wednesday, July 18th, 2018
You tried and that is okay. Sometimes wayward spouses are hell bent on destroying the marriage. Please look after yourself in divorce. Treat it as a business negotiation. You can visit that forum if you desire. There are wonderful people that will stay with you through the process.
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