SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She will not tell me who the friend was.

This is very fishy. I doubt this "friend" exists. They met some other way - FaceBook - KIK, Words With Friends, etc.

He's in the process of divorce? Did your WW tell you that? This is a standard line cheaters use. If you contact his wife she will probably tell you differently. Did the background check tell you the wife's name too? Seach for her on Facebook or Google and try to get her contact info. Do NOT tell your WW you are doing this.

Please stop having sex with her while she is in this affair.

You should tell her you'll help her pack her stuff and her parents stuff so that they can all go live with OM. You love her and want her to be happy so you won't stand in her way. Watch what happens when POSOM hears your WW and her parents are coming to live with him. He'll drop her like a bad habit.

We are in the same area friend. So so sorry you are here. There is so much of this in the DMV, it's ridiculous. Early in my career, I only knew a few coworkers who were actually faithful. All the guys were cheating and the guys would brag about it and I was like WTF?? I am not originally from here although I have been here 20 yrs now. I totally sympathize with where you are coming from, but you are going to have to put your foot down. You are worth more than this. See if he is married. Do a property records search for him and see who is on the listing - if they were divorced, it is highly unlikely that they would be own the same record. Lots of people say they are "in the process" of divorcing because it is so plausible. It takes a year of separation in DC before a divorce is final. Big hugs to you brother.

They text everyday and send pictures including nudes.

I know the OM lives in Washington because i did a background check on him and that is where he is located.

Then you do know who it is. Contact his wife and let her know whats up. He's more than likely lying about getting D. Why are you tolerating this? I think before I would let this go on another minute I would say, "Wife, Pack you and your parents bags and go to OM's house. I will even pay the bus fares".

My wife had an EA years ago. I found out she was going to meet the guy for dinner one night. When questioned it was "just friends". I told her that my wife is not allowed to date other guys. She said it was just a meeting of friends. "How many friends?" I asked. She said "Just him and me". "Yeah - a date, and like I said my wife is not allowed to date".

She said "Nothing is going to happen".

I said "If you go. It will not matter what happens".

She said "What do you mean".

I said "If you go on this date or ever talk to this guy again you will not be my wife. So do what you want". She did not go. But it took me years of checking to trust her again.

See the lawyer and get the papers ready. If she meets him or refuses to go No Contact with him, have her served.

You have gotten great advice. I know you want this to just be over, and life go back to the way it was, but it will continue because you are letting it continue. You must stop it now!

Tell her she can continue texting, etc. but not as your wife. There can't be 3 people in a marriage. She has chosen him, help her pack and leave.

It may shake some sense into her, it may not. Either way you need to get out of this mess. See an attorney, get STD testing, start taking care of you.

Common misconception, I have a specific date and if it's not improving I will file - in reality, she won't start to.fix this until you force her hand.

She likes both you and him. Both. Cheating, as in unfair, to break the rules to gain an advantage. She wants a monogamous marriage and stability in finances and the home front and a little infatuation butterflies of new love, too.

She'll stop her game when you walk away and refuse to play any longer.

I agree with the advice here. I just did something similar this morning. My WH was falling back into blameshifting 7 months from DD. I told him I didn't want to live with someone who can't figure it out and doesn't value me. He's doing a lot of other things "right" probably hoping things will blow over without him having to do any meaningful work. My WH claims he wants to reconcile but that's an act if he's still bame shifting and trying to sweep it under the rug. I told him to read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. Told him I'm not playing any games. I'll immediately file for D. He seemed shocked back into reality. We'll see, but I know where I stand. It's not easy but I'm sticking to it.

As a side note to that, I have not worn my wedding rings since DD. A few days ago, I put on my Moms's wedding ring set she gave me after he died when I was 14. I put them on to help me keep in mind the words that my dad said before he passed. He said to make sure the person I married always treats me with love and respect. Don't except less. These are rings he gave to my Mom who he loved and respected and it gives me strength as I look at them throughout the day.

If I was in your situation I would simply look her in the face and say, " I love you and would like to spend my life with you, but if you go to New York to meet this man, don't come back. Just go with him wherever and sign the divorce papers when I send them to you. If you do come back then the divorce papers will be waiting for your signature. As of now you have until (date you pick) to break off all contact with him. After that date I will start proceedings. I can replace you just as fast as you replaced me.(and you can just check and you will find dozens of women just waiting for you) I love you with all my heart but I'm not going to roll over and die if you replace me." And mean what you say.

I wish you well.

[This message edited by anoldlion at 1:20 AM, June 10th (Saturday)]

As of now you have until (date you pick) to break off all contact with him.

Give her a couple of hours to decide, not days.

30 seconds, that is all.