I've seen a lot of people wondering:
1) What led up to the A.
2) What caused the WS to make the choice to have the A.
3) Why the WS can't see the damage the A caused.
4) Why the WS can't take the necessary steps to truly R.
5) Why the BS may want to work on things and R instead of simply D.
6) Why it's so difficult for the BS to follow the 180 or NC methods.
7) Why the BS seems to keep thinking they can do some thing to change the BS.
I'm not saying this book answers all of this, but this book provides some excellent insights (in my opinion) on how our upbringing shaped us into the people we are.
I am a BS (2 times from same WS). Between some personal coaching I did and reading this book it gave me a lot better understanding of the above items and more.
The key things for me were:
It helped me understand why I didn't handle this the best way (ie. I could not fully implement 180 or NC etc).
It helped me understand how my WS rationalized her decisions in her own mind.
It helped me understand how why my WS wasn't wiling to put in the hard work to R.
Ultimately it gave me the ability to realize that if my WS did not have the capability and/willingness to put in the effort for a true R, then I had to change my ways of just accepting things and hoping for the best and leave. So I did.
Divorce papers signed off 2 days ago and I feel great that I've learned what I have an gotten to this point.
