SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You did what I did to my XWWs OM. I too beat him down.

Then, For many men cheating is a deal breaker, it was for me so i tried R for a while, my wife was also remorseful but It was taking a heavy toll on my life, happiness and self esteem. I too saw the pictures of them fucking in my home on my bed.

I tried R only for the children but then too it was too much for me. I told her and filed for D and She was crying like anything for a R.but the damage was done and no amount of crying or remorse could undo the damge. now I started over my life again and I have my children and a beautiful GF.

R is a tough thing to do, it takes even two to three yrs for getting over the pain and images.

So I think its too much for some men to get over the pain and humiliation. As you too have young children and your wife is remorseful (regretful?) there is nothing wrong in trying for R and if you couldn't then you can tell her and Divorce her. After D after some time if you can work through this then you can do it.

[This message edited by kannan at 8:52 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

Ok, I understand everyone's point about the violence, etc., but honestly, Uhtred, if it wasn't for the fact that my partner's lover lives in your town, and not mine (I am in the UK!!), I'd have probably wanted to do the same thing to her!! I also saw all the texts and photos and videos that my partner and lover sent to each other, along with all the details of the fancy hotels that they spent their time together in, etc, etc, and I know that knowing all that shit is much more hurtful than just imagining what 'might' have been said/done between the two of them. My partner was masturbating over photos of her at work on my daughter's 2nd birthday, ffs!!

How do you get over it? I don't know. I hope we both can learn to forgive, if not forget. For our kids' sake if nothing else. I think it's beautiful that your kids call their mummy sweetheart. They must have felt the love that did/does exist between you for them to copy that!! And maybe that is worth fighting for??

A bit of advice I received from a friend is ... to try to feel better today than you did yesterday, and to try to feel better tomorrow than you do today...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that many tomorrows from now I'll start to feel better...

Good luck!

Know this is flogging a dead horse but…

I walked in on my spouse in my house, my bedroom, my bed, my sheets having loud and vigorous sex with OM. The sort I didn’t see until years later on dark and nasty sites here on the internet. The type that make you delete cookies and clean your history…

At the time I was a rookie cop. Had to go home to get a clean shirt at about midnight on a Saturday night. Six hours later I was supposed to be sleeping in that bed…

So there I was – with a gun at my hip, an old-fashioned night-stick on the other, cuffs, mace… I could have done major damage. But I didn’t.

A couple of weeks later I asked a DA whether I would have gotten away with beating him or even shooting him dead. He said that since I heard the sounds of sex before I opened the door then no – had I shot him it would not be manslaughter but most likely murder 2. Same if I had beaten him. In order to get away with manslaughter it has to be impulsive and instant or in semi-self-defense (bar fight scenario).

You took the time to burn the photos, the dress, wreck the ring, phone your MIL, drive over to OM… Just one more punch and chances are you would now be facing more than manslaughter… More than reasonable time had passed from discovery to action and you went actively out to find OM and do damage.

Reconciling a marriage, raising kids, providing for a family… It’s not easy behind bars.

Do your FIL and MIL keep in contact with the OM?

Do you have any reason to suspect FIL knew of the affair?