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The Book Club :
Ideas Thread: Getting the word out!

Topic is Sleeping.

 Deeply Scared (original poster administrator #2) posted at 6:30 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2006

This thread is for the purpose of Porcupine's SI book idea.



"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

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id 1236382

porcupine ( member #7543) posted at 6:52 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2006

Thank you, DS!

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 9:31 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

posts: 4271   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2005   ·   location: Belgium
id 1236448

father of 4 ( member #5866) posted at 8:58 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2006

That is a highly aggressive schedule you have put together there Porcupine!

Great idea! I would certainly be interested in helping out!


"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

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damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 9:08 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2006

This is SUCH a cool idea.

I'd love to help out.

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

posts: 49560   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2004   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 1236820

divinelioness ( member #7836) posted at 9:13 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2006

oops... didn't mean to post to a sticky thread... will pm my comment instead.

[This message edited by divinelioness at 3:47 PM, April 17th (Monday)]

As it turns out, physics, like a grating relative, has all the answers.

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id 1236824

LizXJS ( member #8616) posted at 1:26 AM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

I'm in...all in!!

My birthday is in September...what better present!

Affairs cause a cycle of destruction - End the cycle and begin a new cycle of CONSTRUCTION

Fucked up people do fucked up shit - DONT be fucked up!

I am a vulgarian , from the planet Expletive!

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id 1237365

curiousgeorge ( member #1460) posted at 1:34 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

I think we need stories from people with different types of affairs.

1. The 100% remorseful WS with a successful reconciliation.

2. Infidelity with a serial cheater.

3. Infidelity where a OC is involved.

4. Infidelity as an exit affair.

5. Infidelity with a fence sitter who refuses to make a choice.

6. Infidelity through the eyes of children.

7. Infidelity with sex addicts.

8. Infidelity before marriage, e.g., a fiancee.

9. Infidelity with no children involved.

10. Infidelity during pregnancy.

11. Infidelity during an illness.

12. Infidelity between gay couples.

13. Infidelity where the WS is gay and the BS is straight.

This is just a list I'm making off the top of my head.


[This message edited by curiousgeorge at 7:36 AM, April 18th (Tuesday)]

Sorry, I never told you, all that I wanted to say...

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id 1237996

KhristinaC ( member #6886) posted at 3:43 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

Also Infidelity from someone who's been on BOTH sides of the fence... A WS/BS

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Me- FBS (37)
H - FWS (38)
D - 15 yrs old
D-day April 04

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id 1238214

ToddC ( member #9314) posted at 9:12 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006


I will tackle number 11 on your list. It may take me a while however but I will start.

How many words should each of our stories be?

posts: 18524   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2006
id 1239056

getnbetter ( member #9752) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

This is a great idea!

I think that a chapter should be for those who choose not R or have no choice as well (in terms of healing and recovery). I love curiousgeorge's ideas, just wanted to add another for consideration.

Let me know if I can help.

Me: BS37
6 Wonderful Children

posts: 277   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2006   ·   location: US
id 1239091

DownNotOut ( member #10076) posted at 9:30 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

Here's another one:

Infidelity in the military.

I know there are several of us who are either in the military or with someone who is.

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow

posts: 1606   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2006   ·   location: Unemployed and Hating It
id 1239113

porcupine ( member #7543) posted at 10:55 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

We can work further on this chapter structure. What I would like is for each person who "takes on" a chapter to compile stories of other members and blend them into a coherent collection within their chapter.

An idea could be (brainstorming here): pick a chapter, start by sketching out your own story and imbricate quotes from other members into your story to enrich it, create a new dimension...

First step: agree on a structure (titles, content) and on a tone-of-voice and chapter mechanism

Second: find volunteers for each chapter

Third: volunteers compile testimonies of other members and write their chapter

Fourth: a "chief editor" and myself stand by the whole process to ensure coherence...

So please continue to PM or post your ideas of ways to structure the book and volunteer if you feel up to a coordinating role!

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

posts: 4271   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2005   ·   location: Belgium
id 1239374

Lessa ( member #10136) posted at 8:30 AM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2006

I would like to see a chapter on Internet Infidelity - Including EA's and EA's leading to PA's that start innocently and on deliberate trawling for PA/Casual/Cyber Sex on Dating Sites. It is SUCH a growing problem nowadays and one which isn't covered much in existing books on the subject.

Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know

(Fleetwood Mac)

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id 1240334

porcupine ( member #7543) posted at 11:08 AM on Friday, April 21st, 2006

A LOT of you have voluntered as editor for different chapters.

Still no sign of a chief editor though, but I think we can still move forward and start putting ideas together. Let's see how far we get...

A few of you had the same idea of structuring the book in the same way SI is structured. The forums could serve as the main sections in the book, and within each section we could define different chapters.

For example:


Section One- Introduction

Section Two-Just Found Out

Chapter 1: Types of A's

- PA

- EA



- sex addicts

- online affairs

Chapter 2: Finding out- Confession , Suspicion/confrontation, Being blindsided.

Chapter 3: Initial Reactions- BS/WS Physical reactions

BS/WS Emotional reactions

Chapter 4: Decisions!- Recon?, Divorce?,Separation?Fence sitting, Limbo.

Chapter 5: frequently asked questions-

#1 question - WHY?!

Should I contact OP?

Should I tell OP spouse?

Who should I tell?


Chapter 6: Coping skills- Taking care of you.

Section Three- General


- Dealing with a fence sitting WS

- OC

- A during pregnancy

- A during illness

- A in specific careers: military, police...

- gay couples

- BS is straight, WS has an A with same-sex OP


Section Four- Recon


- recon techniques

- IC/MC/Retrouvaille

- timeline

- false reconciliations

Section Five - Wayward

- NC

- Feelings for OP

- the fog

- understanding why

- how to help your BS

- ...

Section Six - Investigation

Section Seven- Inspirations

Section Eight- Divorce

Section Nine - Books that help

Section Ten- Humor in healing


Thanks to all of you who sent in ideas, I tried to compile them here so we can start to move on...

Let me know what you think!

[This message edited by porcupine at 5:10 AM, April 21st (Friday)]

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

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id 1245416

Minigirl ( member #6586) posted at 5:31 PM on Friday, April 21st, 2006

I think we should also include a section under Wayward: Who is the OP?

We have several OP who post in Wayward that could help to define who that person is in the affair.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

"The deepest circle in hell is set aside for betrayers and mutineers." Captain Jack Sparrow

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id 1246227

HurtinPhx ( member #8044) posted at 6:16 PM on Friday, April 21st, 2006

This is a really AWESOME idea!!! I want to help out, but I don't know where to begin...

Me/BS: 30
Him/WS: 29
Married: 4.5 years
Together: 10.5 years
One beautiful little boy, 3 years old
D-Day: August 13, 2005
Divorce final: February 8, 2006

posts: 1138   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2005   ·   location: AZ
id 1246390

SacredSoul ( member #5361) posted at 11:20 PM on Friday, April 21st, 2006

I'm really excited about this. Ideas are flitting about in my brain...

The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging.
~ Molly Ivins

Life is unfair for everyone – that’s what makes it fair.
~ Mr 2T

DDay 8/2/04, RDay 8/29/04, Reconciled and happy :-)

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really trying ( member #5311) posted at 11:29 PM on Friday, April 21st, 2006

I want to help too.

Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness

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seashells ( member #8141) posted at 8:45 AM on Sunday, April 23rd, 2006

Raising my hand, here - as well ...

LOVE this idea ! ! ! ! !


First - D day - 9-15-05 ...

Second - D day - End of - October of 2005 ...

Not a good time of the year for me :(

posts: 2458   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2005   ·   location: The Carolinas .....
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amsobetrayed ( member #9268) posted at 9:58 AM on Sunday, April 23rd, 2006

Love the idea, let me know if I can help..either from the military viewpoint or internet, encounted both unfortunately.

Married-19 years
2 D's 19 & 15
1st D-Day-3/18/05
2nd D-Day-12/27/05
Kicked him out on 12/27/05
Currently separated..I live in VA, he lives in Hawaii...he wants to reconcile...and I'm not sure yet, still living in limbo!

posts: 545   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2006   ·   location: Virginia
id 1250399
Topic is Sleeping.
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