SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m about 8 months out from DDay.

The past few months have been really hard， a lot of anxiety and depression. During that time, my H was present and available, which is part of why I’m starting to consider R.

But I’m struggling with how it actually feels day to day.

When I’m with him, I still see him as the person who hurt me so deeply. It’s not anger as much as sadness. I don’t feel safe or "in love" — just heavy and sad.

For those of you who are further along in R and feel like it worked (or is working):

What actually helped you get to a better place?
Did the feelings change gradually with consistent effort (check-ins, transparency, etc.), or were there specific moments that shifted things for you?
Besides the basics (like 100% transparency), what made the biggest difference?
What did your WS do — specifically — that helped you heal?

I read some posts and people keep saying the WS has done a lot of work, I'm curious what does that mean specifically?

Is he willing to talk about the affair?

Doing the work is a term that refers to the cheater:

Making amends

Being remorseful (as opposed to being regretful they were caught)

Willing to communicate and answer questions about the affair

Making decisions that take into account the betrayal (such as changing jobs or avoiding the affair partner if workplace/colleague affair)

Going to counseling

Doing everything they can to help the betrayed feel safe and start to rebuild trust