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ISurvived7734 ( member #60205) posted at 6:06 PM on Thursday, October 19th, 2017
What do feel about her statement:
She said it was "just sex".
Are you this kind of person too? Like, of course the sex is part of the painful betrayal, but it is really no more of a gut-level issue than the lying and general idea of her with another man? I ask because some men cannot get past the sex. They see their WW as tainted and know in their heart they will never truly accept her as a wife again. Some of these men try to R and stay married for the sake of the kids. They simply accept living with a wife who they are no longer in love with. I think many of these men either choose divorce early on or try to R but realize it isn't going to work for them and walk away. However, men that are NOT devastated by the sexual component of what she did have a decent chance for successful R. Things will never be the same but they see the possibility of a positive ending to this ugly story. So, regarding the sex, what kind of man are you?
"I always look both ways when crossing a one-way street. That's how much faith I have in humanity..."
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 6:33 PM on Thursday, October 19th, 2017
I liked LifeisCrazy's response. R is possible with a remorseful spouse - if you want to. Just need to be sure she is remorseful and not simply regretful. Time and consistency will demonstrate which of the two she is feeling.
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
Jimmy1962 ( member #59923) posted at 11:20 PM on Friday, November 3rd, 2017
Going to your initial post, the first line states that she had a three month affair. You can’t be in love with someone in three months. Your wife was / is in “the fog”. She may have been infatuated, but she didn’t love him. Yet!
Get out two sheets of paper. On one, list her good qualities and the things that you like about her.
On the second, list the bad. Seeing it on paper makes it simpler to see logically what you are dealing with.
I have said all along for me, my marriage is bigger than his penis. Maybe easier said than done.
One more thing. Folks on here that tell you bad things about your wife, someone that they do not know, mostly have an axe to grind.
[This message edited by Jimmy1962 at 5:28 PM, November 3rd (Friday)]
DDay 7-20-17 Found about 10 month physical affair that my wife had back in 97 & 98
I thought that I was going to die!
Trying to reconcile.
Infidelity is to marriage as Roundup is to plants.
STBXH (original poster member #60824) posted at 3:50 AM on Saturday, November 4th, 2017
THANKS JIMMY1962 AWESOME ADVICE WILL DO!
My marriage is big but that's why I'm so offended by this betrayal. Not loving life right now...
BH (me) 40 something
WW same
DD 12 DS 9
“The person that can fuck someone else, gaslight and lie to your face about it, is the very same person that cannot understand the soul crushing devastation you face at the revelation of their actions.” —me
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:47 AM on Saturday, November 4th, 2017
Your choice to R or not. Your M as it means whatever it for does to you is your choice as to whether to D or R.
Yes your wife may have fallen for the OM. It does not have to mean a D.
I wish you luck with whatever you choose.
Your W may have been in love. My H thought he was in love with OW during his A and wanted a D. Never heard that word in 25 years of M until then. Now he knows he never loved her but at the time he had a hard time distinguishing between love and infatuation. Not uncommon during A.
And yes the word forgiveness exists for a reason.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 12:53 AM, November 4th (Saturday)]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
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