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I also know deep down that if I were to date before R that I would never be fully into R, and that I could potentially start a new relationship that would show me what I have been missing for almost 19 years making my sacrifices all for not.

Friend, this might be the best unintentional description of the sunk cost fallacy I have ever come across.

I was married for 19 years. 4 kids. I loved the shit out of her, never felt like I got a good ROI on that. Kept trying anyway. Turns out she wasn’t capable of it, for whatever reason. It was never going to come.
Now I’ve been dating a woman for just over a year. I’m not sure I can out love this one, and even more amazing is I don’t feel like I need to. She authentically gives, and she gratefully receives. It’s great. If I framed this as I lost something by never getting it from my ex and therefore continue banging my head against a wall, I would be a far more miserable man.
Yes, I invested much in her, and it was a bad bet. As Kenny Rogers said, gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em.

There is no tit for tat in this situation unless the betrayed becomes a cheater.

I remember not long after dday2 of the affair we were at a party. My friend’s H decided to tell me how attractive he thought I was. 😡

I got very uncomfortable and called my H over. This so called friend actually repeated what he just told me to my H. My H knew nothing would come of it but it gave him a shock to know other guys just might be interested.

Ha! A small bit if karma.

Other than that, as a betrayed you just have to accept that there is not going to be an opportunity to do anything about the situation. Unless you become a cheater or divorce to have the opportunity to meet new people you may want to have a relationship with.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 12:36 AM, Thursday, May 7th]