SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you all for the supportive messages and advice given, as well as some additional perspectives.

I appreciate everyone's different points of view on the matter and know not everyone would take my path. Bottomline is... She (WW) made a huge mistake that came with a lot of pain. But I've made huge mistakes and received forgiveness for them, whether large or small. It'll take some time to get past the hurt and for her to earn my trust again but we feel this is obtainable with time. Had I discovered the affair 11 years ago, I would be in a different place right now. Probably worse off as a result of knee-jerk decisions which would have led to legal troubles. No, at this point in my life, I love my wife and she truly loves me. As long as we keep on moving forward, I feel things will be great, maybe even better than before. Who knows?

Thank you all for the supportive messages and advice given, as well as some additional perspectives. shocked shocked laugh

I appreciate everyone's different points of view on the matter and know not everyone would take my path. Bottomline is... She (WW) made a huge mistake that came with a lot of pain. But I've made huge mistakes and received forgiveness for them, whether large or small. It'll take some time to get past the hurt and for her to earn my trust again but we feel this is obtainable with time. Had I discovered the affair 11 years ago, I would be in a different place right now. Probably worse off as a result of knee-jerk decisions which would have led to legal troubles. No, at this point in my life, I love my wife and she truly loves me. As long as we keep on moving forward, I feel things will be great, maybe even better than before. Who knows? smile

Good luck to you.

Yeah, good luck OP.

Neither of you can ever be thinking that your relationship, communications, intimacy… whatever… is in a better place because she had an affair.
This is really big… We have had wayward spouses on this site that have said that thanks to their infidelity they have managed to move their marriage to a better place…

Never meant to convey that either of us thought or think our marriage improved because of the affair. Our marriage improved mostly because my mental health was diagnosed and treated. We both put in the effort over the past years to strengthen our marriage. The affair was something she did and realized at the time how wrong she was. She stopped it and began to focus on what was important to her. Once I was treated, I could clearly focus on my behavior and how to show love to those in my life. The ingredients worked and our relationship became a pleasant reality.

Now, many years later, I know about the affair and our relationship has taken a hit. I am confident that we are surviving due to how well our relationship was at the time of discovery. Had I discovered the affair when we were, at times, at odds with each other, I don't think the relationship would have survived.

Thanks for pointing this out. Again, sorry if I conveyed the wrong impression.

I mean, I do want to add that I take issue with one important detail. You say that you screwed up huge and she screwed up huge.

Yes, you screwed up, and that was due to naivety more than anything. You talked, you never touched. Were you wrong? Yes.

But equating it to what she did it complete bull. You had some conversations that you didn't realize could hurt her. SHE FUCKED A GUY. A LOT. There's no comparison here, and she needs to be begging at your feet for forgiveness on the daily. I'm amazed you've even given her a chance. You've embraced your abuser.

Now I will concede that being away for work for long periods of time is unhealthy for a marriage. That's on you. I've told my wife that should any opportunity come up for a long-term placement or anything that would have us separated for long periods of time or if this kind of thing could happen regularly, that I would want a divorce. I didn't sign up for a part-time partnership.

I hope you've changed this.