So, we had "the talk". It started out as just a regular conversation about our counseling that we're doing individually. Somewhere in there the flood gates opened and "we're just not right for each other" came out. Knowing this is exactly what she's been fantasizing about (and telling every friend she has that will listen that she's going to leave me) I was able to keep calm and just get through the conversation. We talked for an hour and a half about getting divorced then she went straight into her counseling session, we talked for another 45 minutes after her session before I had my regular session, then we came back together and talked more.
She started telling me things that she'd been hiding about her plans that I already knew like wanting to go live the RV lifestyle on her own with a remote job and be a "digital nomad". That she already asked her parents about living with them and being told no. Stuff I already knew but she'd either denied before or just didn't know that I knew. A lot of the conversation was her being emotional about us still being friends and being nice to each other. You know, "please don't make me feel guilty for having an emotional affair, burning our marriage to the ground, and then leaving you with all the responsibility while I go off and have fun on my own". I was able to get a few things off my chest like telling her that I have never felt like I could express any feeling that isn't in line with what she thinks or wants. That she's made it impossible to have any constructive criticism because she internalizes every thing that occurs as a personal attack. That her parenting style is "the beatings will continue until morale improves". That she should now recognize that after counseling for all this time that maybe it wasn't 100% on the kids for all the issues she's had and maybe she just is incredibly self centered and if it ain't her way with them then its the highway.
She's on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to things she asks me about in the past 2 days. Like on one end of the spectrum I was a shit husband that neglected her emotionally and she'd rather be alone than with me...but...can we still be friends and just let her know I'll be there as her person that she trusts to make medical decisions? You know, extreme stuff. I keep telling her that how she feels now (or at least how she's acting to me right now) is going to change once she's on her own. "Can you promise that if I want to come back and visit our animals that if you're seeing someone that they won't be mean to me and you'll make them understand I'm not trying to come back and steal you away or something?" Just weird things to be worried about.
She's literally got no one to live with and I know she was talking to Mr. Dipshit yesterday about it. I feel like she's put on enough of a show emotionally to make me think she's really upset at all this because she's past being emotional and now she's suddenly got a plan that involved moving about 2 hours away for a "fresh start" but it keeps her within 2 hours of where I live and where her daughter lives. Coincidentally it closes the gap between her and Mr. Dipshit down to a manageable 2 hours as well. Of course I don't say anything about the other guy because what's the point now? This is how I know its all in her head because if he was really in love with her as much as she's fallen for him then he'd be in the driveway picking her up this weekend right? I can absolutely see her convincing herself that "in order to be happy and move on" she should be free to pursue her happiness with Mr. Dipshit right? I mean, once the cat is out of the bag you're basically single now right? lol
I'm working on my priority which is keeping the assets and debts straight and making a plan on getting the divorce done. It might take her a few months to get a car and enough money to do pay a deposit. Of course she's already said her options are either remote job and live on the road or taking a local job in the town she's picked out that's 2 hours from everyone and getting an apartment. Takes 60 days minimum between filing and having your hearing at the courthouse where I'm at so I see no reason to hold off on paperwork. I've got my heart locked up and my brain checked in so at this point its just following the procedures to get filed and move forward. She's still keeping her conversations to herself and I really don't care if she's still here for a bit until she can get a car and figure her stuff out. She's not taking any of this seriously really anyways and like to joke about who she thinks will make a run for me once it's out in the open. Which by the way was supposed to be between us for a while but she'd already told her daughter and mom before we went to bed that night and I know she's told Mr. Dipshit and probably anyone else she talks to.
My therapist keeps reminding me that I need to remember that she's just not the kind of person that is going to care how she makes other people feel as long as she gets what she wants. I'm glad I had a few sessions before having "the talk" because I can see her for exactly who she is and with knowing how she's been talking about me to her friends which I take as her true feelings (because she's not saying anything to my face about it) I don't have to get emotional. It's a whole lot easier to ask questions you already know the answers to right?
