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TrueRue99 (original poster new member #78805) posted at 5:03 AM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
Appreciate the insights, Cat. Closure 'for him' was a typo - no desire to help this guy! - 'from him' is what I meant. But a wise person once told me, "Closure is what you make it." My original post was written shortly after D-day and I've gained many new perspectives that have helped my healing process. Also, the letter he mailed me, a few subsequent texts (he's since been blocked), and my own personal work have given me lots of peace. Thanks for weighing in.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:43 AM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021
He’s 50 and has a trail of betrayed girlfriends. 🚩🚩🚩
He’s “working on himself” - doubtful. As stated it’s just lip service with no real commitment for him to make changes.
He will say whatever he needs to say to get you back. It’s part of his game. He may appear to be remorseful and all that but here’s the scary thing — he knows the pain and devastation cheating causes but yet he chose to do it anyway.
He purposely made a choice to behave in a way that he knew was hurtful, disrespectful and emotionally devastating.
No contact is your only option. This allows you to focus on yourself and your healing.
As for closure — you can’t ask him anything because he will just lie. That is what serial cheaters do. It is pointless.
And not helpful to you at all.
He lied and cheated because he wanted to.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
TrueRue99 (original poster new member #78805) posted at 12:22 AM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2021
The1stWife,
You're so right. He's been blocked and I've remained NC. That said, I still feel hurt at times and don't judge myself when I do, just let those feelings come and go and stay grateful for the gift of perspective; the growth and healing I'm experiencing from this process benefits me.
It helps to read posts here and other forums, along with articles and blogs where I learn I'm not alone and that so many others have gone through this and survived. It's been fascinating to discover the similarities amongst the B's and the W's, and it's comforting to know I'm not alone.
Have to admit I still have moments when I really want to talk to him but know it's a futile exercise that would hurt me in the end and setback the progress I've made. I don't need those problems! He's an unsafe person and in my current emotional state I don't want the added stress. Continuing to keep my distance and work on me are my tasks.
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