SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Married for 20 years. Cheated on and off by husband whom I supported all these years. Took care of two kids and house while he was getting his educations and climbing up the career path. Now, he doesn’t need me, he wants freedom and have sex with prostitutes and other women from hookups sites.I am a beautiful woman myself, always take care of my appearance and body…I paused my own education, but worked, volunteered,and this is what I got. Always been faithful, he would come to a clean house, cooked meal from scratch. Took care of all his family sides of birthdays and all other events.Last night he packed his clothes and got himself a hotel,on the way to hotel he stopped by CVS and got condoms for just in case situation.He also opened new credit card that I had no idea about,took money from our investment account for his dating profiles and other his sex expenses. I am crushed beyond words…I am suffocating.

Very sorry you find yourself here but you will receive good support. It is a little slow on the weekends. Just wanted to let you know you have been heard. Read in the healing library and the pinned posts for newbies. Take care of your health. Get tested for STD’s. Eat healthy and exercise. Promptly take steps to secure your finances. It sounds like your WH has gone off the rails and could damage your finances. See an attorney to learn your rights.

You have suffered a real trauma. You need time to heal. Do seek out an IC to help you cope. Talk with a close friend or family member. Always value yourself. You will get through this, it just takes time. Others will be along with more advice.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:39 PM, Sunday, October 11th]

Iwanttobreathe, I’m so sorry for your pain.

You do not deserve this. Nothing you did, or didn’t do, or were or weren’t caused any of this. He’s like this because of what is wrong with him, period.

I see you registered in 2023, which means you’ve been dealing with this for years. That’s awful, but your freedom is near.

Fareast gave you great advice, but I want to emphasize: see a lawyer! Immediately if not sooner, as my old coach used to say. Not only is he wasting your money on hookers, he is potentially exposing you to liability. Take steps to protect yourself legally.

Expose him. Tell everyone - your parents, his parents, your kids, whomever else that matters, that you are divorcing him because of his actions. Talk openly about it with those you need support from. It’s not embarrassing for you, it’s embarrassing for him.

You’re a beautiful woman, faithful and good. Trust in yourself - you will be alright, and in fact, in time you will thrive. He on the other hand, will be the kind of man who patronizes hookers.

Don’t keep this to yourself, you don’t need to try to do this alone. Your loved ones will be there for you, just as you would be there for them if the situation were reversed.

We’re here for you.

If there has been a drastic change he might need a thorough physical exam. If he has always cheated and been selfish look forward, not backward. Leave him in the dust. He sounds very immature and who wants to be married to a child.
I hope you have spoken to a dr about temp help for anxiety. Also for sleep. You do not want this stress to ruin your health.

Every feeling you are having is understandable. I am so sorry. What he is doing is blatant...he is not even try to hide it. He is in a desperate situation. May I ask if he has lost his mind ...and I am not being funny here...I mean has something happened mentally like some sort of manic episode? Maybe consider telling his family, like his parents if they are still alive.

In the mean time, you need support and care. Please keep posting here and look up a Betrayal Trauma Therapist and set up appointment ASAP.

🙏

So sorry that you are finding yourself here. It sounds like you are giving and giving to someone who is taking advantage of you. You deserve better. Even the hottest , most fit women in the world get cheated on. Why? Because it’s not because of you or what you are lacking. It’s because of a deep emotional problem that he has within himself. It’s up to you if you want to spend the rest of your life putting up with it. You could imagine a life where you are free. I feel like there is a difference between someone who cheats once , feels terrible, and tries to fix it… and someone who cheats again and again. They are both awful situations. But the second one … he saw what it did to you the first time and however many other times there were , and chose to do it again anyway. He does not care about how it affects you. Please take care of yourself - years of this type of stress can literally give you an autoimmune disease. It helps to get a therapist specialized in trauma. And meds from your primary care doctor to get through the pain until you feel ready to stand on your own 2 feet again. We’re here for you.

You feel the unpleasantry of a wounded attachment and the shattering of the core pillars of your inner world.

It's the worst effect of betrayal because the threat did not come from outside where you expect it, but from your safest place, your inner world, your husband.

The physical difficulty in breathing comes from that trauma, you don't feel safe anywhere because you can't feel safe after the unthinkable happened.

You will get through this.

You have to find again your center and heal the attachment wound.

I am not chosen. I am not enough. I am replaceable.

The above is the feeling of dread and relational shock.

But is a reaction, it is not the truth. The truth is the betrayer has deep issues with self worth that he needs treachery and abuse to his beloved partner to feel like a normal human person. As an illusion, because he knows deep down, what he did and does is repulsive, weak, spineless and disgusting.

Putting you in pain soothes that awareness into painting you as unworthy and then justifies his choices by soothing his low self worth.

It's twisted and cruel, but he makes himself worthy by dehumanizing you, you become a sacrificial offer to the altar of his broken ego. It will not work, he will collapse in the shorter or longer term.

But it doesn't matter because to feed this soothing he is happy to sacrifice you as long as you can bleed.

That is why you need to protect yourself from this person.

You need to put yourself first.
You need to see him for who he chose to become. A pathetic worthless sexual and emotional abuser, the weakest and most cowardly form of it: a cheater.

You need to tell your lymbic system, that you are lovable. You are enough. You are not replaceable because you are you. There isn't another one out there.

Is our lizard brain, the one who paralizes you, it doesn't think, but it does get conditioned.
You can't breathe because the betrayal conditioned it in trauma.

You can release it by conditioning it with self love.

Hold up your boundaries and don't let those emotion storm compressed inside you.

They need to be heard.

You have been heard.