SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My wife has cheated on me several times in past… but I stuck through it for the kids. Our relationship has not been the best but we always got along. Now she found this man from our old hometown 12 hrs away and she claims he’s her sole mate. He’s very controlling and she has to message him all day everyday and it’s driving me crazy! I have been drinking to deal with it which I know is not good. But she continues to tell me details of the affair and now after talking to him for 2 months says that he will move here and impregnate her as soon as he sees her! We have 3 kids and are working on her moving out! She has been a day at home mom but now she has a job. Don’t know what to do it’s driving me insane!I still have to be in the same house as her until she gets her own place!

Pour out the alcohol, I don’t need to tell you why. Gray rock your wayward wife. If it’s not about the kids or the logistics of getting her out of the house there’s no reason to say it or listen to it. Make it a priority to be in another room or out of the house with friends and your kids.

Alabama is a one party consent state, buy a voice activated recorder and keep it on you and recording any time you can’t avoid her. Use your phone until you get one. She sounds like she’s trying to provoke you. If she realizes it’s not going to work she might just skip to a false domestic violence report.

Check out the healing library here. If you haven’t consulted a lawyer do so.

What happens if you tell her not to talk to you about this stuff? Or worst case, leave the room when she says things like this (I assume she isn't talking like this in front of the children). She is being unbelievably cruel and sounds like she's trying to hurt you more on purpose.

The best would be if you can do like asc1226 said and start to gray rock - that means not showing her how you feel inside, not responding to her words, not engaging with her actions. If she's doing all this to provoke you, practice controlling yourself and pretend like you don't care (with enough time and practice, one day you really won't care). She sounds horrible. Time to harden your heart and start letting go of your feelings for her.

And please stop drinking - you're only hurting yourself. Self-destructive behavior is very human when we're in pain, but in the end, you and your children will pay the price for it, not her. Good luck and stay strong!

I am so sorry that you have to live with someone who thinks this behavior is acceptable.

You need to protect yourself financially. Stop giving her access to your $. Pay the bills and stop funding her affair.

Get a new bank account only in your name.

Stop paying her cell phone bill. Tell her to get her own cell phone account.

Meet with an attorney immediately. Learn your rights. Especially if you have kids. If she decides to move and take kids w/ her then what are your rights?

I’m so sorry for you. You deserve better!

I have no real suggestions because you already have some good ones. This is very serious…she sounds like she had trouble with reality. She is sliding down the mountain, boulders and all. You are hanging on sliding as well. Let go. Leave her alone. Be the sane parent. Help her pack. Close and lock the door. Take a deep breath. That is when your common sense takes over.

STOP hitting the bottle. Think about your kids. They need one sane parent and YOU have to be it. You have no choice.

File for divorce immediately (or legal separation, depending on the laws in your state) and stop having sex with her. If she gets pregnant while you’re still legally married, you could be on the hook for paying child support, as in most (if not all) jurisdictions, paternity defaults to the husband, whether or not you sign a birthday certificate. You also don’t want to get any STDs from this guy.

In your position, I would tell her she doesn’t need to wait for Romeo— she can go to him right now. If she doesn’t want to move in with him, then she can pack a bag, find a hotel or her parents’ place, and she can be his girlfriend under someone else’s roof.

The fact that she now has a job is actually great news for you. It means that she has her own income and isn’t the sole caregiver of the children, which gives her less of a chance of fleecing you for alimony.

While she’s in lalaland planning her future with this other guy, you can step up by being more involved in caregiving and directing all your focus and attention at them.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 2:58 PM, Saturday, January 10th]