SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My trusted husband of 20 years marriage has another love en sex partner for the last 5 years.I have found this out 2 weeks ago.I am broken, deeply sad, completely devastated…We have 3 children.I have kicked him out of the house , he is sleeping at his father. During the days he is at home while I am at work and he leaves to his work when I come home. In the weekend I try to avoid spending time with him. We did have 2 times a planned conversation as we need to communicate as a family.He is saying he wants to stay with me and the kids.My marriage for me it’s over.The issue is that he told me 5 yrs ago that he kissed that women, I was so upset and shocked backthrn but promised to never do it again. And now, after 5 years looks like they have explored everything together and it didn’t stopped by the kiss…crazy!!!!and infully trusted him. I don’t know how to go on…

Deep River-
So sorry you had to find us, but you will get a lot of support here.

Please read in the healing library and all the posts in this forum with the bullseyes (may have to go back a few pages). These are critical for someone who just found out.

See a doctor ASAP for STD/STI testing. Ask for a full panel and tell them what your WS (wayward spouse) was up to so they test for everything. Some here have been giving nasty things that can even be deadly, so get tested. Don’t have sex with him without protection unless he also gets tested AND SHOWS YOU THE RESULTS. Cheaters lie, and then they lie some more, sadly.

Take care of yourself. Eat healthfully, drink lots of water (crying is dehydrating!), get some exercise everyday, and try to get sleep. Taking care of your body will help your mind and emotions. If you are having trouble eating, try protein shakes. If you can’t sleep or are having anxiety issues, talk to your doctor. Many of us used meds for a short while to help us manage this, and no shame in that game.

Find a therapist (IC) if you can who specializes in trauma. This is a TRAUMA. Your system is going haywire. Is there anyone IRL you can confide in? Journal. You need to get all these feelings out.

Lastly - know that this is 100% his choice. There is NOTHING that you did or didn’t do to cause this. He made this choice thousands of times of the last five years. It is not your fault.

I have to run to work, but keep posting and keep reading. You will survive this.

Welcome to SI and so sorry that you're here. BearlyBreathing has given you some great advice. I second the advice about finding a trauma-informed therapist for IC (individual counseling). This is trauma and it can cause a rollercoaster of emotions.