Topic is Sleeping.
Nitenurse63 (original poster new member #69822) posted at 5:10 PM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024
My husband of 27 years cheated 7 years ago, it literally nearly killed me, we split and have had barely any contact since then, I’m still single but happy.
Yesterday I asked him for a divorce, no point staying married now right, he said yes and out of nowhere all the hurt and pain he caused 7 years ago came flooding back, I sobbed solidly for 4 hours, what is wrong with me?
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:48 PM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024
I would suspect that you unearthed feelings that you buried and made the full realization that it is over.
I don't think this is unusual or bad at all. In all of this we all heal at different paces and at different intervals.
It took a lot for you to take it to the next step and created some finality of the M.
Be kind to you. Rest get a pedi, have a meal with friends. Go for a long walk with your favorite tunes jamming in your ear buds.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
justsendit ( new member #84666) posted at 7:13 PM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024
Perhaps by separating and going no contact, but not actually divorcing, you in a way rug-swept your emotions? Now that you are seeking closure they are rushing up again?
Just a thought. There is certainly nothing wrong with you, it seems a very human reaction to what you are describing. To me, it sounds like you are unearthing the trauma of the past - trauma that was perhaps not addressed in full. I would encourage you to see a therapist to help you work through your grief. Continue on as you are and just feel what you need to feel.
To me, this seems natural and maybe even healthy that you’re addressing this now. Be kind to yourself, give yourself compassion, patience and understanding. Allow space for your pain and feelings, and find a therapist to help you along.
I think you will be ok in time. I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this.
Perdita1 ( member #67654) posted at 8:06 PM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024
I would agree with others that there is nothing wrong with you. There is something about the finality of D which brings up all sorts of emotions. Work through them, perhaps with a counsellor.
I would ask you to explore though, why now? You’ve had barely any contact for 7 years, married for 27. That is a very very long time. Why did you not D before? Were there financial ties? Have those disappeared? Understanding your ‘why’ (or reminding yourself why) may help you process.
I assume you have talked to a lawyer, but if you haven’t you need to. There are legal implications of D (think tax, pension, property) that you will need to get your head around.
Above all, take care of yourself. Give yourself some grace - D Day might have been 7 years ago, but the D is happening now, and that’s still very very hard.
[This message edited by Perdita1 at 8:07 PM, Friday, May 3rd]
Topic is Sleeping.
