Not gonna rehash everything, I’m a madhatter. After the discovery I just switched to lurking and less interaction here, and eventually vanished. But I’m happy to report it does get better when you put in the work.
I tried a couple therapists. It didn’t end up working out, after about 5 people telling me that infidelity doesn’t come out of nowhere and making it so that my husband was the only one at fault I admittedly gave up.
This is not to say however that I gave up trying. This may be a controversial opinion but I believe you can hold yourself accountable if you have the mental willpower. I still tell myself that what I did was a conscious decision, and ask myself how I am becoming a better person for my husband. I did a couple months of moping and drowning myself in piles of self-hatred and guilt and disgust. But then I realized it wasn’t helping anyone. We were both just sad and angry and nothing was happening. There was a giant burst of anger every other day.
Nothing was planned in regards to this, but we sat down one day and just talked. No more allowing inconveniences and annoyances to become out of proportion arguments. However - this is only after a giant heaping helpful of them. A grieving stage for what we once were, I suppose. It was hard, but we’re still here.
And not depressingly and begrudgingly. We are HERE for one another. We are happy to be with each other. More than happy I would say. My husband is a rock in my life and I rely on him as he does me. We make time for dates, we get excited to see each other, we unleash flurries of kisses and hugs on each other when one of us gets home. Life is good!
I feel hopeful for the future and we have both done a lot of work for one another. The work is never over, and not everything has been sunshine and rainbows, but it’s working out for us. I hope it works out for you guys too, however that may look like. Keep working!
