I just had a near run in with OW.
I had to drive my 88 year old former MIL back home from a party in her car because she was too drunk to drive. I still have a relationship with her and visit/help out because her son, XWH, is a terrible son who hardly visits her.
Anyway, DD followed us in her car, which was low on gas. MIL lives on a family compound where I also lived for 25 years -- the last four with just DD after he left us. I moved last March just a few miles away and DD goes back and forth between houses. XWH is splitting his time between the house, which he is having cleaned and repaired, and OW's home about an hour away.
When we arrived to the house OW's car was in front. DD was quite put out by that and had been hoping to stay the night there with her friends. She said WXH had not been answering her texts about whether it was "safe" to stay there. I texted XWH and prodded him to answer her texts and his patrionizing response-- which was a lie -- is that he has clear communication with her and to stay in my lane.
Some background here: Our MSA specifically states that OW have no contact with DD. There is good reason for the addition: OW pretended to mentor and befriend DD when she was only 13 -- as well as me -- while seducing her father. She was a family friend and part of our social circle. It was a sick situation -- she was a guest in my home many times, took DD skiingng and even showed up for school concerts to cheer her on. She took us out for "girls teas" together and then, I later learned, was texting him constantly. It has taken years of therapy for DD get over how she was used as a tool by OW. I guess I am still not over it, either. DD is now almost 18 and not very conversant yet on how the legal system works but she's often said to me she is grateful for the language in the MSA and wants a restraining order against OW once she turns 18 -- obviously, that's not going to happen as OW poses no physical threat.
Would it be worth talking to an attorney about sending a letter to OW and XHW asking that they adhere to the spirit of the court order in accordance with DD's wishes and enforce the boundary?
It's hard for me to sort through my own feelings. That OW is now spending time on the family farm where I lived for 25 years really bothers me. I have heard through the grapevine she feels a bit uncomfortable about it but not enough, evidently, to stay away. The family property also has a social club in which I have remained a member and still plan to attend events -- this is my community. More important, DD has activities on this farm that she will pursue on weekends home from college. That DD has to navigate this and be the one constantly asking if the coast is clear bothers me. XWH has a disordered personality and is not capable of ensuring there are firewalls.
Any advice on this or how I can navigate this new normal?
