SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Some of the oldest of old timers will remember me, for most I'm just another bozo on the bus ride of life.

Here's what's going on.

I was extremely co-dependent. Like, massively. I was unhealthily dependent on my husband to take care of me the way that a parent takes care of a child.

He left me for another woman and so what he did was unspeakably cruel. But I have to give credit where it's due, he is as codependent as I was, so he still felt responsible for me LOL. He agreed to a legal separation, not a divorce, which meant that I could stay on his medical plan, and he gave me way more alimony than a court would have ever ordered. His crazy girlfriend apparently didn't have a problem with this arrangement, so she's as fucked up as I was and he currently still is.

Now here we are. God has been talking to me about the idols in my life, the things I'm relying on to take care of me instead of Him and myself being responsible for taking care of me.

I thought I had a handle on it because I didn't go looking for a new man to take care of me. I thought, I'm good! Look how good I'm doing! I'm being single!

But in the back of my mind, I knew I was still using the old man to do that for me. People get divorced and they are responsible for themselves, but not me LOL. My brain-dead marriage with no functioning brain waves of any kind was on life support in ICU, a paper marriage so that I could continue to cling to that financial support and "be taken care of".

Anyway! I'm poor and I'm going to be more poor, because I'm going to be buying my own healthcare, and I'm cutting the cord on the alimony. But you know what, that's ok because God's going to take care of me. He already has, I just didn't give him any credit for it. I'm going to be ok. I'm really, really going to be ok.

And I'm not doing this so that I'll be free to date the new guy. If anything the new guy just highlighted that this sick arrangement needed to just come to an end. If nothing comes from the new guy, I'm not going to sit there and go, "Damn I gave up my free healthcare for you, and now you go and do me like this?" LOL

I'm so HAPPY with my life and for the first time since I was 13 years old, I'm not saying that I"m happy because of some guy. I'm happy because I have a fantastic life. And I give all the glory to God for bringing me through this horrible season, to a place of deep joy and peace. HE IS SO GOOD.

I feel giddy and scared and happy and excited. I AM GETTING FUCKING DIVORCED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to scrounge up the $1300 for the paralegal and $450 for the court costs. I should have that within a couple weeks or so I think.

Here's the hilarious part. He's been sending me texts telling me he still cares about me. I just die laughing and roll my eyes. I don't fucking care. But when I texted him yesterday that I was ready to file, first words out of his mouth, did you meet someone LOL. Then he fought me on it. He was like no you can't do that, you need to stay on my health plan! You need good healthcare, I still want you to be taken care of!

My emotional support friend laughed and told me, "The only guy he wants you to see is your doctor."

Anyway! I'm poor and I'm going to be more poor, because I'm going to be buying my own healthcare, and I'm cutting the cord on the alimony. But you know what, that's ok because God's going to take care of me. He already has, I just didn't give him any credit for it. I'm going to be ok. I'm really, really going to be ok.

Have you looked into what your options are in terms of partially funded health care coverage based on your income? Not sure where you are located but if you don't make much money, you may qualify for a reduced cost.

Regardless, great to hear from you and that you've gotten so much stronger! Congrats on your new found freedom and self reliance!

yes, thank you, I'm in the states. So I do have an Affordable Care Act option and apparently the President just signed a new bill that says your premiums cannot be more than a certain percentage of your income so they'll be even lower. The government is working all that out now.

It seems so stupid now but I felt like a toddler in the dr office dreading the vaccination as the needle approaches. Like how could I give up that financial support? But I did, and it was awesome. AWESOME.

About 4am I got up with a sick dog and so I was awake and talking to God, and he said, are you scared? I said no I'm not scared. He said, see? Was that so hard?

It wasn't. It wasn't that bad at all.

I'm going to be ok. I don't need his medical plan or his money to be ok, and I don't need a new guy to be ok. I'm going to be ok regardless. It's pretty epic.