This Topic is Archived
tellmewhy (original poster member #29302) posted at 10:18 PM on Monday, August 17th, 2020
Has anyone gone through the Separation/Divorce process in Virginia using a Mediator?
Would really appreciate hearing the pros/cons and any information that might help me navigate.
Thanks
Me (BS) - 70+
Him (WH) - 70+
Married 50 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
Separated: Nov 2020
Blindsidedva ( new member #75005) posted at 2:33 AM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
I’m starting meditation in VA tomorrow. The mediator talked to my kids today I’m hopeful we can make it work but I’m not sure we are pretty far apart on a lot of things.
tellmewhy (original poster member #29302) posted at 4:50 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
Did you see an attorney before you decided to go to mediation?
I have read/heard that you "should" go to an attorney first, then have a mediator draw up the Settlement Agreement, then back to the attorney to finalize divorce.
Very curious about you experiences, if you don't mind.
Thanks
Me (BS) - 70+
Him (WH) - 70+
Married 50 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
Separated: Nov 2020
Blindsidedva ( new member #75005) posted at 5:47 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
I talked to three attorneys so I knew what my rights are. I will have one of them look over whatever the mediator comes up with before I sign anything
tellmewhy (original poster member #29302) posted at 6:42 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
Would you recommend an attorney as my first step?
Can an attorney draw up the Settlement Agreement, which would keep fees lower?
I really appreciate you help - thanks.
Me (BS) - 70+
Him (WH) - 70+
Married 50 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
Separated: Nov 2020
TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 8:02 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
tellmewhy
Has anyone gone through the Separation/Divorce process in Virginia using a Mediator?
Yup - I started it in February, I think, and finished it up in June, I believe. The total cost after Jan 2nd - when I submit the sep agreement to a lawyer to make it a divorce document is under 5k.
Would really appreciate hearing the pros/cons and any information that might help me navigate.
I believe it's a lot cheaper than both parties hiring lawyers. The lady I went through had been a divorce lawyer so she was able to craft up the agreement really well.
If you think you can be amicable with each other then I would go this route. Where in VA are you? I'm in northern va, near Chantilly/Fairfax.
TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 8:03 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
Blindsidedva
I’m starting meditation in VA tomorrow. The mediator talked to my kids today I’m hopeful we can make it work but I’m not sure we are pretty far apart on a lot of things.
Why did the mediator talk to the kids?
tellmewhy (original poster member #29302) posted at 10:25 PM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2020
LostOne - I'm also in the Fairfax area.
Did you see attorney first, then a mediator?
As I understand it, if the attorney drafts the Agreement, then both parties need and attorney, but if a mediator is used (an amicable situation), then that's not the case. Do I have that right?
Me (BS) - 70+
Him (WH) - 70+
Married 50 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
Separated: Nov 2020
TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 1:42 PM on Wednesday, August 19th, 2020
tellmewhy
LostOne - I'm also in the Fairfax area.
If you want I can tell you the mediator I went too. She's very good. She's been through two divorces herself, one involving her partners adultery.
Did you see attorney first, then a mediator?
I did see an attorney first, but looking back on it, it was kind of unnecessary. I mean, the attorney told me that because my partner cheated I was entitled to more of the marital assets (I think 60%) but that it wouldn't affect the child custody.
As I understand it, if the attorney drafts the Agreement, then both parties need and attorney, but if a mediator is used (an amicable situation), then that's not the case. Do I have that right?
Not to my understanding - an attorney can draft the agreement and the person without one can, theoretically, just sign that agreement. That's not recommended obviously.
A mediator works for both parties, which is why an attorney isn't needed. The mediator will suggest the both of you get one anyway to look over the final product though. Neither my ex nor I did that though.
Blindsidedva ( new member #75005) posted at 5:00 PM on Wednesday, August 19th, 2020
thelostone2020
We’ve got a minor child and the mediator I wanted his input in what he thought visitation with look like. Turns out his ideal situation would work but the mediator was able to work out a parenting plan works for all of us
I did talk to her attorney before I started the mediation process just to get an understanding of what my rates in Virginia are I will have the attorney review the document to the mediator is drawn up just to be sure the thing that The issues that we didn’t cover like retirement and spousal support can you still be covered in the divorce decree
tellmewhy (original poster member #29302) posted at 5:53 PM on Wednesday, August 19th, 2020
BlindSided/LostOne - thanks for all the information. That clarifies some things I was trying to understand.
Yes, LostOne, I would appreciate the name of your mediator. PM me if you'd like.
Me (BS) - 70+
Him (WH) - 70+
Married 50 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
Separated: Nov 2020
TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 8:34 PM on Wednesday, August 19th, 2020
Blindsidedva
thelostone2020
We’ve got a minor child and the mediator I wanted his input in what he thought visitation with look like. Turns out his ideal situation would work but the mediator was able to work out a parenting plan works for all of us
Interesting, I wouldn't have thought of something like that. My kids are 12 & 9. We split the time 50-50.
tellmewhy
Yes, LostOne, I would appreciate the name of your mediator. PM me if you'd like.
Will do.
This Topic is Archived
