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FuckedUpMajorly (original poster new member #74845) posted at 3:55 PM on Tuesday, July 21st, 2020
Hey all. So it's official. Bipolar II and! surprise! two bonus diagnoses of PTSD and possible ADHD.
I'm terrified, I hate myself for not seeking help sooner, and (not going to break his NC, talking about AFTER he begins talking to me again) have no idea how to tell my ex. He's the person I want to talk to most right now. I'm scared. And I'm starting anti-psychotics today. I like my therapist and psychiatrist a lot, I'm gonna be hella compliant, I just can't stop crying. If I hadn't cheated and I figured this out sooner, I'd be cuddled up with him right now and everything would be so much better.
foreverlabeled ( member #52070) posted at 6:34 PM on Tuesday, July 21st, 2020
I'm sorry ((FUM))
I know the feeling of wanting to reach out to exBH. It's hard when it's been your go to for the past however long. It takes practice and new habits to calm that impulse.
Learn to trust yourself for comfort and to give you what you need. In times like this I feel empowered knowing I got this, that I can handle anything that comes my way.
I know that it doesn't replace a certain extra comfort a loved one can provide, but its still enough and you are enough.
JBWD ( member #70276) posted at 11:50 PM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020
So sorry FUM...
Yes the loneliness can be a bit much- I hear you on that.
I can tell you that the scariest day of my life was dialing into my first Zoom 12 Step meeting a couple months ago.
Just recognize that while we may feel assaulted or stripped down to “something less“ than what we were, it’s all a slow march to a deeper understanding of who we are.
One of my best friends who recently divorced (though not due to infidelity) did something very remarkable for me- I was talking about my sadness at putting so much pain in my family’s life when I just wanted everyone to be happy; He replied with the statement that a life lived is perhaps better phrased as “fulfilling” than “happy.”
As long as you face yourself and your ghosts with honesty, you are in a better place than where you started.
Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced
JBWD ( member #70276) posted at 7:43 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020
Any updates, FuckedUpMajorly?
[This message edited by JBWD at 1:43 AM, August 2nd (Sunday)]
Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced
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