SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thinking of reading this in hopes of working through my ambivalence. Anyone have any thoughts about it?

For a little background, WH has been seeing prostitutes for our entire marriage, off and on. I found out last August. We were already in MC for relationship issues because he was not meeting my needs, he was a roommate with benefits essentially. So, obviously, work needed. I feel like the flame of love was barely flickering and dday doused it pretty completely.

He is doing some work on himself, more in the recent weeks. Some days I am confident that I can't wait any more for him to figure his stuff out. Others, I think I should give him more time. Round and round I go. I'm in IC, which is helping, but I thought doing some reading would also help.

If not this book, what others do you suggest?

Read it. Not bad.

By the way my WH was also into Prostitutes amongst other disgusting behaviors,

The book that really resonated and helped me was "Should I Stay, or Should I Go" by Lundy Bancroft.

I HIGHLY recommend it. It breaks things down and is empowering. Exercises at the end of each chapter.

All the best thea.

It is an excellent book and really gives you a lot of thoughtful insights as you try to make a decision as to whether to go or stay.

I have it in both formats, hard copy and also the audio book.

I personally prefer any books that we use though to be in the audio book version because my FWH and I can both listen to it at the same time.

Yes, It is a good book.

I ran through the questionnaire and on two (maybe three) items it said I would be more likely to be happy if I left the marriage. Only one is needed to make the recommendation to call it quits.

But I was evaluating based on my "prior and during" affair wife. Since the affair, the mercury chelation therapy, the IC, MC and a ton of discussions, she seems to have changed herself greatly.

I am waiting to see if it sticks. I do have confidence that she can do it.

But if she kicks, punches, slaps, throws things, or breaks stuff anymore either at me or our children, then I am done. If she engages in verbal or emotional abuse anymore, then I am done.

This is quite a change for her but I know she can do it.

It's a very good book, I have recommended it to many people over the years. It really depends on how/if you you apply it. I read it first maybe 12-13 years ago because I was ambivalent in my difficult relationship, but ignored a truckload of red flags, chose to stay and got married. First dday was after the birth of our first child, and it's been prostitutes, women off craigslist, lots of texting women, etc. I'm not sure this book covered the kind of issues we are dealing with, I'm reading another book called Safe People and just finished one called the Emotionally Destructive marriage. Both are really good, but Safe People is really helping me see how even before the infidelity my WH was an unsafe partner without healthy boundaries. Wish I'd read it 10 years ago.

Yes, I think it's a very good book. It was personally helpful to me with a few different relationships.

Bump per request.

I just read this book and really loved it. I found it great for insight and reflection. For other readers, I'm curious out of the 36 Diagnostic Questions how many did you get that indicate you would be happiest leaving? I know the book says you only need one. I feel like some hold more value than others.
I got the following 6 that indicate I would be happier leaving;
#9 (blocks attempts to discuss)
#10 (lying)
#12 (my willingness)
#19 (violation of bottom line)
#30 (needs met)
#33 (intimacy discrepancy)
#34 (fun)
I would say of these, there are 3 that have the potential to change. Have any of you left based on your results? Leaving just for 1 seems difficult. Anyway, any thoughts would be appreciated.