This Topic is Archived
AnnieMae (original poster member #71018) posted at 6:55 PM on Wednesday, October 21st, 2020
In just a few weeks fWh and myself will have our wedding anniversary. Last year he went big, I had a great dinner, gifts, he gave me new vows. It was great. This year I am just not into it. Yes I want dinner but ehhh, it just feels like another day to me. So much that I ordered myself some shoes online and told him it was my anniversary gift and he should do something the same. So he got himself some fishing lures. We are doing ok. Just moving right along with life. No major issues or concerns just not feeling it right now. We are not fighting but we are not talking as much. Sex is a less but he has hurt his back. I just feel bad that I am not wanting to go out of my way to make this a special day and he is not arguing with me that we should. I hate the lull.
Me- old enough Him-old enough to know better
Married 25 years
DD 5/5/19 -serial sexter with 2 encounters
Yep, we have kids
Working on Us- in Reconciliation
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:14 PM on Wednesday, October 21st, 2020
It wasn't until our 4th post-d-day anniversary that I was ready to celebrate our wedding date again - 45 months.
We still celebrate our anniversary - we had a great 50th. Not celebrating for those years probably helped us R.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
GTeamReboot ( member #72633) posted at 4:14 AM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020
So last year would have been just months from DDay... the love bombing and the general panic of the well-intentioned WS who wants R were in full swing! That’s a nice phase. Lol! How did you feel about last years efforts? I think it’s important to acknowledge that difference. You shouldn’t downplay anything that felt good and right last year just because this year you feel more meh. Talk honestly about how that evolution is part of the healing journey.
This year(9 months post DDay) FWH asked me what I wanted. I got choked up. I admitted I was scared of how I would feel that day and I couldn’t promise I would be all perky and lovey at all. And I told him “surprise me.” He said “but I thought we could plan something together.” I realize he meant well by that. I said you asked what I wanted and I told you. “Patience and a nice surprise.” He came through beautifully. But who knows what next year will bring.
Navigating the weirdness of it all successfully could be an opportunity for growth and healing.
Me- BW, 45 (FWH, 47); DDay Oct 2019 - Double Betrayal (x2) during Aug-Sept 2018. Hard at work in R! Whole story in Bio
I tend to make little edits for clarity and typos!
RunningLowNow ( member #49198) posted at 4:47 AM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020
It would have been our 45th end of August 2020, but over the years that weekend was the weekend we were married and the week her father died a year later, it was the week before that the tattooed POS copped it on his daughter's birthday and on the Sunday of the long weekend I found her hidden files.
This year we are 45 years since we were married, 43 years since her father died and ten years since her dick boy bit it, oh and six years since I found out.
She was all excited to celebrate our anniversary (since in her mind we are out of the woods) but I see no reason to celebrate the day we made our vows knowing that she repeatedly nullified the terms of our vows. I suggested that we find another date and reason to celebrate.
Find a wall and bang your head till it stops hurting.
secondtime ( member #58162) posted at 6:09 AM on Thursday, October 22nd, 2020
I don't get angry until year 2.
So, the first anniversary after DDay is always nice, and then I'm like, no thank you. After round 1, it was pretty short lived.
I'm at round 2 (another separate dday several years later), and I'm done with special occasions. My husband knows enough not to press to celebrate something that I don't want to.
This Topic is Archived
