Hukaman posted 9/30/2020 16:02 PM

Well my first post and wishing my actions didn't bring me here but they did. I finally came clean and told my BS about all of APs. It was hard answering all the questions she had but I opened myself up like I should have done the first time as gave her honest answers and even posting here is just as hard. First ones where the online ones, me using sites like craigslist and different dating and social aps. I would use fake pics and just generally see whats out there and sext never meeting up with them in rl but many pics where exchanges some from the internet others of me. The second one was with a coworker. She was a cam girl and worked with me on night shifts. Once she found out with a bit of flirting with me she could get me to cover her shifts or stay longer at work so she could leave earlier. One time she put on a cam show in the office and I was spending tokens on her. Every time she wanted a shift covered or to go home early she would promise sexual favors in return. Never got any from here and realized way too late that she was using me like that. I don't completely blame her cause I went along with it so it was my fault as well and there's no longer any contact between us. Then comes today, I finally came clean about the third one and the biggest one. There was a hooker maybe once or twice a month I would use at work for years. I came clean and answered all the questions with honesty.

I do see all the pain and how I ruined everything we had but we are going to try our best to work things out and move past this. I know its not going to happen any time soon and will take years to recover from all this but am willing to do everything and anything I can. Sorry if this isn't as structured as people would like but well had to post it or knowing myself I would have put it off for a long long time. I'm better at answering questions so ask away or anything else.

foreverlabeled posted 9/30/2020 16:36 PM

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself here, no one like showing up to this site no matter which side we are on. But, its here and I for one was grateful. You'll get support, advice, maybe a 2x4 now and again, and mostly educated.

Take some time to read in the healing library. It's to the left over there in the menu box. Basic information and more to help get you started in the right direction. Also, not that long ago we got our first pinned thread here You'll find it at the top of this forum. Things every wayward should know (something like that) another good read.

No matter where we are in our journey it always takes courage to post. Don't worry too much about being proper and such. Just use it to benefit your healing and the help you can provide your BS.

Let us know if you have any specific questions or issues that we can help with.

How long ago was your dday (confession)

Hukaman posted 9/30/2020 16:52 PM

sadly we have had 3. today is the third dday

godheals posted 9/30/2020 17:06 PM

Three Ddays?

Care to explain the three days?

You said we are going to try work things out and get past this.

How do you think your going to work things out and get past it when you had three ddays? Your spouse can’t heal if you keep lying to her. Lying is not going to help. It’s going to make it worse.

And yes it’s going to take Years!!! Deep down it will never go away for her. It’s always going to be there no matter how much time and effort you put into it.

We will be 5 years in December. Happily R but I know deep down my H still feels the pain. It don’t hurt as much and we have moved past it for the most part. We still talk about it. Not a lot but here and there. But I didn’t lie to my H either.

If there is anymore you need to say to her tell her now. No more lies! You will read on here it’s the lies afterwards that really kills it.

Hukaman posted 9/30/2020 17:34 PM

well the first one she found out about all my online ones and some about my cowoker. looking back i was afraid of telling her everything. the second one she saw everything about my coworker and some of the one with the hooker and today i came clean about everything about it. i know the trickle truths hurt and i can see now how i messed up on just that part.

foreverlabeled posted 9/30/2020 19:56 PM

Ah, I see.

It's definitely hard to come out with the truth. I think it was the scariest part for me of all the things I had to do in the aftermath.

I don't know what anyone else's purpose is here but mine was to survive this shit. To go about it truthfully and intact with my BH. The only way to do that was be 100% honest with him and myself.

I mean if that's what you want too, you have to make sure no matter the inconvenience to yourself that the lies stop today. No point in taking a step further if you are harboring more.

And, it just seems like you are only fessing up when you have to. When you have no choice because you are face with undeniable proof.

Does your BS know about SI?

Hukaman posted 10/1/2020 00:55 AM

yes she knows about this place and is or already has joined. i know i want to work through this no matter how long it takes. i learned way too late that i shouldnt have been hiding stuff from her but everything has been told and am completley open with her now

foreverlabeled posted 10/1/2020 10:28 AM

There is book that I treated like my Bible for months after dday.

"HOW TO HELP YOUR SPOUSE HEAL FROM YOUR AFFAIR" by Linda J Macdonald.

Order it today or download or both. Read it and then read it again. Its super short and to the point. It will tell you everything you need to know to navigate the immediate aftermath.

Its really up to you to implement the very basics and the least you can do to help.

What kinds of things are you doing to help her? Did you read through that pinned post yet?