The problem is I don’t know how to heal without any remorse shown on her side. I want her to cry with me about the whole situation but she obviously moved on long ago and has come to terms with her decision. I know In time I will be better off, but the fact that I have to see this person Scares me. How do I not get triggered and have this anger and sadness not show up every time I have to speak with her.
You don't need your WS to show remorse if you're intent on D. In fact, true remorse on the part of a WS just makes that decision more difficult. The fact that she's showing her ass works to your favor when you really want to be done because it's a constant reminder of why you chose to divorce.
In terms of how you handle interactions... there's a cool little technique called "gray rock". You can look it up online using keywords, "gray rock psychopath". Read the articles you find. In a nutshell though, you become a really boring target, so boring that the cheater isn't getting fuel for their ego. You're just a "gray rock", offering nothing of interest, interested in nothing.
Remember that what you're feeling now is temporary and finite. You won't always feel this way. You're only a few weeks out from having your family dynamic blown to smithereens. Your feelings are NORMAL... and temporary and finite.
Other tricks...
Imagine that whatever interaction you need to have with your STBX is going to be seen by a family court judge. So, try to keep your communications in email so you've got a nice fat paper trail of what's been going on and who's been doing what. When you imagine the family court judge reading your words, you'll choose them carefully because YOU want to be viewed as the sane one.
Try a parenting app. There are some good ones out there and this too will reduce direct communications with the STBX. Most are paid, but worth the money as they are also admissible court evidence.
Allow yourself to be too damned stubborn to act like the bastard she's twisted you up in her mind to be. The WS goes through a whole series of mental gymnastics to make us out to be the bad guy. Keep your voice soft. Keep your opinion to yourself. Don't feed into the image she created which allowed her to make an adversary of you. I don't know about you, but if I'm asked for Pure Stubborn, it comes naturally.
Deny ego kibbles. For the ego-centric, can't get enough attention cheater all drama is GOOD drama. Drama reassures her of her own centrality. Your tears, your upset, and even your hostility reassure her of her importance. Again, we rely on sheer dumb stubbornness and refrain from becoming narcissistic supply.
Lots and lots of BS's fall into the trap of thinking that if their WS could somehow understand the hurt and the damage, things would be better. We'd heal faster or maybe even reconcile. But the unremorseful cheater is too self-involved for all that. What they see instead is affirmation of their great importance in your life, and they're willing to use that in order to get more time in their affair fantasy, or a better deal in their settlement, or even just the raw pleasure of thinking they're so unforgettable that you can't do without them. Why would you give an active cheater a gift like that?
Anyway, have some faith that you're going to be okay. We all know the pain. It's the worst hurt most of us have ever had. But we're getting through it, and you will too. Believe it.
Strength to you as you process.
ETA: One more thing that helps with the interactions... IGNORE anything she says to you about her feelings or the state of the relationship. Just toss it out as chaff. You only respond to questions about finances, children, and the divorce settlement (if appropriate), otherwise, give her nothing. She's no longer a trusted insider and is undeserving of the intimate details of your life or your thoughts. Divorce is a severing of the partnership. So treat it as business.
[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 2:35 PM, June 26th (Friday)]