BallofPain posted 6/16/2020 15:28 PM

I never expected myself to come back here on this side of things.

I started an EA with a man while I was still dating someone. I want to do everything I can for my boyfriend to feel safe. I feel it is too little too late but I want to try. Most importantly, I don't want this to happen again. I don't want to do this to anyone again.

I'm scared that I will not be able to change myself. In fact, being on this side of the table, how do I know I regret my actions and not regret that I got caught?

Zugzwang posted 6/17/2020 11:24 AM

Why were you still dating someone and then went after someone else? Seems to me you either are enjoying the attention. You might enjoy the emotional part of being with one man and you really don't want to be with him...you might stay dating one because you can't bear to be alone. Only you can figure out why you are dating one and developing a closer relationship with another.

MrCleanSlate posted 6/17/2020 15:19 PM

BallofPain,

A quick read of your prior posts and it seems you were the BS before and now are the WS.

So you were dating one man, exclusively I assume, and you started an EA with another. Was this something you initiated or did it develop over a period of time? So what led you to this realization - were you found out by your BF?

Being in a relationship that is what, 2/3 years long, your BF may not be so committed to want to stay to work out the infidelity. All you can really do is be very honest with him and don't hold back any details.

So to your dilemma - We can all change. It takes work though. You need to stop and assess what led you to start the EA with the second man. Was it the thrill of the chase, the flattery you got, maybe you weren't entirely sure about your current BF? WHAT? WHY? How serious of an EA was it?

I think the pain you felt being cheated on must resonate in you, maybe that can help guide you on your path.

[This message edited by MrCleanSlate at 3:20 PM, June 17th (Wednesday)]