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BallofPain (original poster member #49165) posted at 9:28 PM on Tuesday, June 16th, 2020
I never expected myself to come back here on this side of things.
I started an EA with a man while I was still dating someone. I want to do everything I can for my boyfriend to feel safe. I feel it is too little too late but I want to try. Most importantly, I don't want this to happen again. I don't want to do this to anyone again.
I'm scared that I will not be able to change myself. In fact, being on this side of the table, how do I know I regret my actions and not regret that I got caught?
Zugzwang ( member #39069) posted at 5:24 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020
Why were you still dating someone and then went after someone else? Seems to me you either are enjoying the attention. You might enjoy the emotional part of being with one man and you really don't want to be with him...you might stay dating one because you can't bear to be alone. Only you can figure out why you are dating one and developing a closer relationship with another.
"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS
MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 9:19 PM on Wednesday, June 17th, 2020
BallofPain,
A quick read of your prior posts and it seems you were the BS before and now are the WS.
So you were dating one man, exclusively I assume, and you started an EA with another. Was this something you initiated or did it develop over a period of time? So what led you to this realization - were you found out by your BF?
Being in a relationship that is what, 2/3 years long, your BF may not be so committed to want to stay to work out the infidelity. All you can really do is be very honest with him and don't hold back any details.
So to your dilemma - We can all change. It takes work though. You need to stop and assess what led you to start the EA with the second man. Was it the thrill of the chase, the flattery you got, maybe you weren't entirely sure about your current BF? WHAT? WHY? How serious of an EA was it?
I think the pain you felt being cheated on must resonate in you, maybe that can help guide you on your path.
[This message edited by MrCleanSlate at 3:20 PM, June 17th (Wednesday)]
WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day
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