"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

BigMammaJamma posted 2/20/2020 16:47 PM

Thumos nailed it.

The truth is she knew she wasn’t fridgid — after all, she was frigging her own brains out on the bathroom floor and humping her pillow like a jackrabbit

None of it makes sense. I agree with the other posters. Her "reasons" are blaming shifting and super fucking contradictory. She is trying to come up with any reason that you will buy to get you to stay and eat this shit sandwich.

He would give her tasks to do and directions to follow and what to wear and how he would fuck her everywhere and pull and grab and slap her and do it all over the hotels and apartments and public places and would be very vocal about it. He would keep her excited all through the day with texts, directions and tasks and pictures and she felt dirty and aroused when she would meet him in the hotel rooms. However, she said the actual sex with him was bad - he was a small dude jack hammering and she hated that but with me it would be a more passionate rhythmic sex which she likes way more.

What in the actual fuck? How could he be such a Casanova and turn her on all day long teasing her and keep her aroused but when it came down to actual sex, he turned into a silverback gorilla (albeit small-dicked gorilla) who humped like a jack hammer? Yeah, I'm gonna have to call bullshit.

Listen you want to believe it, I totally get it. Your brain is desperately looking for anything for this to make sense and to make her not this selfish liar who put her wants before your marriage and health.

Dismayed2012 posted 2/20/2020 16:56 PM

As Michigan said, "She was afraid of losing you if she asked you to talk dirty. But was secure enough to cut you off from sex and have an affair."

Her excuse wreaks of bullsh*t. She's deep in self-preservation mode claiming to be a victim and simultaneously partly blaming you. Kick her out and file for divorce.

Making the betrayed spouse question their resolve to take their life back, is what cheaters do. The excuses she's giving are not original. This is typical cheater self-preservation talk.

Your best route is to go with your first inclination to get yourself free. Your life and future will be much brighter without the cheating wife there reminding you every day that she will do it again if she 'feels' in any way that you're emotionally unavailable. She's broken the marriage contract. Follow through with eliminating the legal piece of paper that binds you to her.

If you want to 'date' her after the divorce then go for it but make sure you use protection and don't make the mistake of legally binding yourself to her again. Morals and character are learned at a young age. She apparently missed those lessons.

I wish the best for you.

JS84 posted 2/20/2020 17:31 PM

Not much to add, pretty much agree with what everyone else is saying.

Just wanted to recommend you keep your posts on one thread. It's hard to give good advice when you make multiple threads regarding the same topic.

redfish posted 2/20/2020 17:34 PM

PassThis comments and sentence by sentence tear down gave me chills. Did it give you chills? I'm not so sure you should stick around.

WontBeFooledAgai posted 2/20/2020 18:43 PM

I agree 100% with @PassThis 's advice. Very thorough and insightful breakdown.

pearlamici posted 2/20/2020 19:05 PM

All her excuses are b*llshit. The answer is in your title ...

because she wanted more exciting sex

And that excitement came from having taboo sex (adultery). You sound like a really great guy - you are free to find a great partner now.

OrdinaryDude posted 2/20/2020 19:06 PM

Same as your other thread...eject.

faithfulman posted 2/20/2020 20:55 PM

Pretty much everything has been covered from the standpoint of analyzing her "reasons" for the affair as bullshit.

If you want to know how much it is bullshit, go back to my post on your first thread and read up on how to recover deleted phone content.

She has been cheating for a while, and this is not the first time. Believe that.

Run away! Fast! Do not fuck her anymore, nothing good can come of it, but you may end up with a child by her.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 8:55 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

DeWittle posted 2/20/2020 21:30 PM

Way too many contradictions in her story to be true. He gave her exactly what she wanted but it was bad, you gave her nothing of what she wanted but it was good. She is still lying. Was this her first A.

ETA, keep your post in one thread for continuity instead of starting a new thread for each post.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 9:32 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

rugswept posted 2/21/2020 13:40 PM

I'm really big on R when it makes sense.
You have a very tough hill to climb for your wife gave away things to this piece of garbage OM before she gave the same to you.

This can be a tough forum and I want to warn you this is going to be a tough viewpoint. In some way I lived out some of your story and survived it. Had there been an SI decades ago, I'm not sure I would have gone the R route. I was a weakened, strongly affected victim of a really bad A, was hurting so bad that I couldn't be decisive at the the time.

In your case you're suddenly really liking the sex. I'm trying to be honest. The only thing different now than before is that she's all in on all the sex you want when she was sex starving you for a long time. She's sex bombing and love bombing you.

The reason I knew my fWW was involved with a POSOM was the sex stuff she took home. She was suddenly "really good at" certain things and it took real practice. All of a suddend it felt like I was with an experienced prostitute. He had schooled her on how to deliver sex. So she had become his little porn star and he gave her guidance on the nuances of what he wanted. I am not grateful to him for having done that.

In your case you indicated she herself indicated that he had given her "tasks" to do. So you started out with a somewhat sex resistant wife and somewhat experienced woman and ended up with an experienced porn star. She had accepted his urges and guidance on how to deliver sex and then suddenly you're into things with her you never did. That's because THEY did it. It will weigh very heavily on you that your WW got schooled on sex practices by that POSOM.

Your WW started out thinking about other men. Then she got approached by a much younger (I think 27 or something) guy trolling for sex and he found her. She was out there thinking about slutting and then went off and got into slutting, big time. All the way to bringing that garbage into your home. She not only brought the sex home, she brought him home and an STD home. Along the way she really got into her "real inner self" that involved really hot sex with a really hot guy she really wanted. Any other story is a big fucking lie, complete. In my case I got the ex USMC dude who hit on my fWW and she went for it. I inherited the aftermath.

I'm not here to encourage you or discourage you from continuing this relationship. This is your life and your decision. You should do what you really think is in your own best interest. I do, however, want you to carefully think about what I said and how you feel about that and see if you feel you can live with all this in the long term. It won't be easy.

In my case we went on to a successful marriage and successful family. It is still with me until this very day about her and the POSOM and how she gave herself so ardently, willingly for up to 18 months. Sex on demand for someone else is a rough road to recovery from and in most cases the recovery is never complete, especially when they explored new territory. It can recede in our minds and then return over and over, much much later.

Consider all what I said and I wish you the very best. Good Luck.