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Long story short , on New Year’s Eve my w confessed to meeting her hs bf a month prior. This meeting took place during a long argument we were having that lasted about a month . She says it wasn’t sexual and they talked at a restaurant and outside in his car . She admitted texting him for about a month around this time . I have read on the site about what to do now and I’m in the process of it. If I had to bet on it I’d guess they did the horizontal mambo but she has only lied to me one other time about a smaller matter. I know she has committed EA . I am the kind of guy that could not reconcile whatsoever after an PA. I’m in the process of gathering information now and she has agreed to surrender her phone . I’m using Fonelab. She has deleted single messages in conversations with him and also deleted threads . I’ve heard that when you delete single messages that recovery software will not restore it . Therefore I’m not seeing their messages. I hooked the phone up to fonelab and it pulls up everything but these dented messages . Do you have to restore and pay the money (which I can) to see these deleted single messages ? Can anyone help with this thank you

Look around your area you may need a phone expert to retrieve it for you if Fonelab doesn’t work.

A PI service may have the ability or know someone who does.

I am sorry you have to resort to this to get to the truth.

It could be she is telling the truth about no sexual interaction.

My H had a six month EA - they kissed but that was it (according to both of them and at the time the OW had no idea of how much I knew). I did see the emails between them and there was no sexual talk at all.

He also was going to D me to be with the OW.

I’m just saying it is possible there was no sex between them. I know in many cases the cheaters lie. I’m not immune to that scenario. And “sex” is a very undefined term as we all know.

In the end it’s all cheating and lying. Sex or no sex it all just stinks that someone you love and trust cheats.

I hope you get the info you are looking for.

Depends on how many messages she gets in and sends out, the hard drive of the phone memory could be overwritten already. My husbands three week A was mid August to early September. I ran Dr Fone around December 1st and barely saw anything.

Also be wary that you have to root the phone which is essentially breaking into and hijacking the developers software. This voids any warranty you have on the device if something happens to it later.

Why not just have her polygraphed? It played a huge role in my decision.

Maybe the paid version could work but if it doesn't have her take a polygraph, schedule it on her day off and that day just tell her to get in the car that you're going to a restaurant or to buy groceries (you may still go there after the test), once you get to the place tell her why she's there, tell her she's got one last time to come clean and that the M hangs in the balance, you may get a "parking lot confession" or not, either way, still go through with it, also, this may not be her first rodeo.

Paul84, here is some pretty standard info I give for investigating cheaters. Use what applies to your situation to find out a whole lot more than she is willing to tell you:

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1) GET ANY INFORMATION YOU CAN FROM HER PHONE

a) Check her phone bill to see who she has been texting and calling, how much, how often etc. See if there are any numbers she has been calling a lot that are suspicious, basically, her ex-boyfriend. Run the number(s) through a reverse lookup like spydialer (dotcom). Find out further information through fastpeoplesearch (dotcom) and/or truepeoplesearch (dotcom) which are both free, or if you really want to learn more, try truthfinder or beenverified, both online, beenverified you can find a promo code to make it like $3 for a 5-day trial.

b) Get her phone in your hand and look through her texts, any other messaging apps, photos and videos.

c) Buy the phone recovery software "Fonelab" and run a recovery on her phone to capture any deleted information such as text messages, photos, videos, cheater app messages, you'll also be able to see her notes, calls made and more.

d) Collect that evidence, and store it away safely! If you run a recovery the evidence will be saved to your computer. Otherwise do it with screenshots that you send yourself.

BONUS

e) If she is on an iPhone and you have another apple device, you can add it to her iCloud account and then you will see all her iMessages, and if you do it correctly, her SMS messages as well, in real time as they appear on the device in your possession. Be careful, adding a phone to an iCloud account generates an alert on the main phone so have her phone in hand when you do this and dismiss the alert.

f) If she is on an iPhone see if you can get into her iCloud account and maybe you can retrieve her iMessages. Be careful, accessing iCloud generates an email to the account holder so you must be prepared to intercept and delete that email.

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2) SIMULTANEOUSLY GET A VAR OR TWO (VOICE ACTIVATED RECORDER)

a) Get a couple of VARs (Voice Activated Recorders) the Sony ICD-PX470 is the sweet spot $50 at Amazon, put one in her car and keep another around to record her in the house.

The point here is to hear what she says when you are not around, particularly afer you confront her and she is panicking. That is when cheaters run to their car and call their affair partners and partners in crime.

b) Read the manual for a couple of minutes and you will learn how to turn off any kind of beeps or lights.

c) Get a ton of triple a batteries, Amazon brand (about $14 last I checked.)

d) Get a Sandisk 32 Gigabyte MicroSD card for each VAR, about $8 on Amazon and you'll have dozens of hours of recording time.

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3) IMPLEMENT PHONE MONITORING

A) Implement some kind of phone monitoring service: mSpy, ikeymonitor, cocospy, Flexispy, webwatcher, there are a ton of them.

These services allow you to monitor all kinds of phone communications in near real-time.

If you go this route you don't have to add a phone to her iCloud account.

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4) PUT A KEYLOGGER ON HER LAPTOP

a) Since you busted her on her laptop, a keylogger is a must. put it on before she changes the password.

I've used "bestfreekeylogger", but if she changes her password, you cannot get to the information. I've head good things about "Webwatcher" (Who also make phone monitoring software) and "Spytech SpyAgent"

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5) MAKE HER GIVE YOU A NO-BULLSHIT, NO LIES, NO EXCUSES, NO BLAMING YOU, DETAILED TIMELINE INCLUDING ALL THE GORY SEX DETAILS

a) If she wants to stay with you demand a detailed timeline that she will write immediately

b) Find a reputable Polygraph operator and tell her you reserve the right to verify it via polygraph.

I would tell her after she writes the initial timeline and then watch her run back and amend the shit out of it.

Others might advise you to tell her prior to writing the timeline.

c) The purpose of the sexual details is for you to really really know what went down and for her to stop living in a fantasy land of a "beautiful romance that was meant to be".

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Do these things and you will know what you need to know.

Best of luck to you Paul84

Why did she confess? Perhaps they were seen at the restaurant or by a friend of his gf or wife?

If the OM is married, expose to his wife.

Insist on an immediate timeline of every contact and a detailed summary of each topic she discussed with him (sexting, pics, marriage issues) - all subject to a polygraph test.

Save yourself a lot of painful trickle truth over months/years. The polygraph will encourage the truth about this and any prior contact with the Ex.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 6:30 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

Update: the messages were sent through iMessage , which are encrypted , so no record is kept . No way to recover . The only thing I can do is polygraph . Has anyone had success with this ? Thanks

Scheduling a polygraph test usually encourage s a full confession. Sometimes 10 minutes prior to the test.

Are they fool proof? No. But where you can't trust someone and they are highly motivated to withhold information it's all you've got.

They are still used by some federal agencies and in corporate. Plus they are used with child molester s out on parole.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 12:02 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Yes, there are many people here on SI who have gone the polygraph route, it often leads to a so called "parking lot confession", find a reputable one in your area and schedule it on her day off, you only get about 3 or 4 questions, the questons should be something like:

1)Since we were engaged and while married to me have you ever had sex with your EXboyfriend (including oral sex) and/or with anybody else besides me ? Did you make out with him/them ?

2) Since we were engaged and while married to me have you ever kissed or had oral sex and/or have an inappropriate relationship with anybody else besides your exboyfriend ?

The test administrator will ask probing questions first and make sure there are no ambiguities or misunderstandings about the questions. Come back and tell us how it went.

Paul,

Why waste your time with phone recovery crap. A polygraph as others have said will get you answers in less than an hour.

And her reaction to you demanding it will also tell you a lot.

Update: the messages were sent through iMessage , which are encrypted , so no record is kept . No way to recover

This information is incorrect.

iMessages are even more recoverable than SMS messages.

I have recovered iMessages so I know it is possible.

However, the more time you wait until you try to recover the messages the more they will be ovewritten by other data and become corrupt or permanently erased.

iMessages are even more recoverable than SMS messages.

How?

Here's a simple method of iMessage recovery that worked for me.

You can work directly from the phone, but it's generally more flexible to work from a backup. I used iTunes to back up the phone to a PC. Then I used a tool from deciphertools[dot]com to recover the messages.

Even with the free product, I was able to recover messages that had been deleted for months. It also has the ability to recover fragments (portions of deleted messages) from the database which also proved to be useful.

For those more technical, the iMessage database is stored in a Sqllite database named chat.db that can be mounted directly from a phone backup using Sqllite tools.

Wow. I will give that a shot. Got anything for Facebook messenger?

Update: the messages were sent through iMessage , which are encrypted , so no record is kept . No way to recover .

When did she delete them? Probably after she found out you discovered If you can narrow it down, you might be able to restore the icloud to the prior restore (from before the deletion of the single messages) and it should recover whatever she'd tried to swiftly wipe out.

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[This message edited by Account4This at 5:41 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]