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Regaining Trust and being there for the family

sorrowfulmate posted 12/2/2019 10:03 AM

We are at 5.5 years in reconciliation!

Thanksgiving morning we got a phone call that her Father had fallen and was being taken to the emergency room. In the past I would have been put out because everything would be focused around this rather than the plans we made or my own plans.

We got up I got the coffee going, we got dressed and drove to the emergency room. There I started keeping in contact with relatives letting them know what was going on with my Father-in-Law. I went out and brought back breakfast for my wife and her mother, and got coffee.

So on Black Friday he had surgery to repair the hip, and again I became useful to my wife and MIL, sitting with my FIL when they needed to do things, and being present to them. I know past self and realize how much resentment this would have built up because I didn't think of others.

So, Saturday came and MIL and Wife needed to go visit rehab facilities. I got to sit in the room with my FIL. He was out most of the day, but there were times he was awake. One of these times I was able to talk to the physical therapist and let her know what he was able to do the day before. I was able to help him order his dinner and it arrived when my Wife and her Mom returned. My MIL was grateful for me being there and taking care of him and keeping them informed of what was going on.

Sunday was more of the same, being there for the family so they could take care of my FIL.

So it's cyber Monday. I am home trying to find a job. Out of work for almost 6 months now. I have started my own business but it is going real slow at this point.

Part of starting my company has been to setup social media accounts so that I can advertise online. When DDay happened almost 6 years ago two of the requirements of reconciliation get rid of social media, and my wife required full transparency of all accounts and passwords.

As I have started new social media accounts, I have given her the login credentials to every account and showed her what is going on with them.

So this morning my wife tells me I have to install SnapChat on my phone. The reason is my son's phone is an older Samsung because of its installed android its texting application doesn't always work when he is at his community college. He uses SnapChat on his phone to message her when he needs rides back from campus. But since she is out dealing with her Father that responsibility falls to me. So I install SnapChat no my phone, add her to the list, add my son.

It is a little thing, but consistent actions and attitudes in reconciliation build trust. Last night we were driving home and we were talking about what was going on and I simply said "This would have been a nightmare for you if I was still having my affairs and drinking. I want you to know that I appreciate being able to be here at the hospital with you and help you and your mother when needed."

This is how I feel. I feel grateful that I am able to be her husband, and be able to support her and her mom during this difficult time.

One of the reasons is this forum. You guys helped me pull my head out of my ass and get on the road to reconciliation.

I know I don't post a lot, but I am hoping to be more active on this forum in the new year.

Thank you so much for being here and for SI having a wayward's forum. This place has really helped me so much.

foreverlabeled posted 12/2/2019 18:50 PM

Thank you for sharing and its good to "see" you well. I love reading posts like this from fellow WSs. Goes to show what hard work accomplishes and of course the support this forum provides. I think many of us can relate to that.

I hope your FIL recovers nicely, I'm sending good vibes that way.

Happy Holidays.

Maudlin posted 12/3/2019 03:17 AM

I am so glad you have healed and grown and were there for your wife. I lost my Dad last month, and going thru it alone because my WH has his head permanently in his ass was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Well done to you two for putting the work in, and I hope your father in law in quickly on the mend.

Lucky77 posted 12/3/2019 07:05 AM

Hi Sorrowfulmate

You and I should work on a book. “Stupid shit guys in their middle years do to fuck up their lives”. The cheating, the drinking. I could throw in a crazy fast race car too to add to the craziness. We could invite Jeff Bezos to join us but he’s still too busy blowing up his family.

Welcome back. Clearly with over 2000 posts you were calling SI home for quite a while.

Nolife posted 12/3/2019 07:14 AM

God I love heart warming stories makes me shed tears a I long for what your wife is feeling and will be so happy when we can get to this point! Keep up the good work.

ARTexan04 posted 12/4/2019 18:03 PM

That was inspiring to read. My wife and i are still working through things and it helps to see a happy ending

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