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Hurts so much

JBWD posted 10/9/2019 20:20 PM

Just need to vent

1 yr anniversary of fatherís suicide attempt. Flew home and watched a selfish man drag the woman who loves him and tries so hard day after day through pain and fear. And saw myself. And now know BW is as alone and afraid and confused and believes she canít turn to anyone because it woulda been me.

No sympathy expected and I will watch the sun rise but yíall, this hurts. Grateful for you all.

FoenixRising posted 10/9/2019 20:27 PM

Acknowledging pain is good. Try not to perseverate upon it too much. Just acknowledging it ok.

Tomorrow is a new day. With each new day brings new opportunities.

Sending positive vibes and rays of light for a smoother tomorrow for you.

BraveSirRobin posted 10/9/2019 22:08 PM

I'm sorry, J. It's very hard to face ourselves and know that we're helpless to undo our past cruelties. Having FOO layered on top of it must be doubly painful. Thinking of you.

JBWD posted 10/12/2019 14:16 PM

Thanks everyone.
This week just piling up in weird ways.
This morning while shaving for some reason remembering an event from A and truly flooding- Almost couldnít stand up.

Iím almost grateful to feel this though I know it canít stay this way. I am acutely aware how much worse this is for my wife but thereís, I guess, some value in the pain. Trying not to wallow and I think successful, but once again all I can say is,

God damn.

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