ashamed7broken posted 10/7/2019 16:30 PM

Last night he broke up with me. This is the third or fourth time but last night felt more real.

I keep switching between a shell or crying uncontrollably. I don’t even know if it’s real. I can’t let go. I can’t let go of the hope that we can still recover.

He told me he wants to forget he ever met me and Although he’s tried he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m packing my things to move out until he can afford a place of his own. Or he will stay in the house I don’t even know.

No we aren’t married or have any kids but we do have a dog together and it’s like our little family. I broke all of it. I didn’t really what I had until I destroyed it and destroyed him.

I’m trying to process but ever time I let a little bit in it’s overwhelming.

EvolvingSoul posted 10/7/2019 19:39 PM

Hi again ashamed7broken,

I know you're feeling awful right now, and it's okay to feel awful. The consequences for our terrible choices do not hurt less just because we brought them onto ourselves. That said, take heart. You are not always going to feel this way. As difficult as it is to experience these feelings, they will change. You will be okay.

Try to let go of the outcome and focus on fixing you. Instead of hating yourself or beating yourself up or staying in self-pity, this breakdown in your life can become a breakthrough. It is in the lowest times of our lives that we are often spurred to the greatest emotional growth. I know that was true for me, although it doesn't come without effort. You have to get curious about how and why you got to where you are today and be really willing to dig in on that stuff, identify the broken thought processes that made the choice to betray seem okay at the time and take steps to change them. It takes a long time, but that time is going to go by regardless.

Do this work and you can become a healthy, whole, safe partner for all future relationships, romantic or otherwise.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Don't give up on you.