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Athena1979 posted 6/28/2019 08:51 AM

Question/suggestions:

How do others cope when someone has betrayed you...I've moved on, but the have maintained friendships with some of my close family and friends?

When that person shows up at a kid's bday or a baptism, and the betrayer approaches, what do you do?

I have removed that toxicity from my life, but they periodically pop up in my life through other associations.

Do you remove the specific people from your life, too?

When I say, you don't seem to understand, that person is a wolf in sheep's clothing and they deeply wounded me, they say, "oh, but he's such a great guy!!!"
Well, sure to you...you haven't given him an opportunity to betray you, yet.

***also, it appears that he purposely seeks out important people in my life and develops close relationships with them, when he normally, would not have. As the recent example: I have a birth daughter who was in our wedding. She is now an adult. He sought out my birth daughter and adoptive parents and has developed a relationship with them.
Thank you for your insight.

[This message edited by Athena1979 at 9:03 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

BeenBetrayed5 posted 6/28/2019 09:03 AM

I wouldn't cut off everyone who knows him. If you've moved on completely, you should just be able to say hi, smile, and shrug off the encounter.

Keep looking ahead and moving forward.

I know it must be hard to keep seeing this person as it gives some anxiety and seeing them might be a trigger. If it bothers you a lot, you could tell that person straight forward that you don't want them approaching you anymore.

Cephastion posted 6/28/2019 09:12 AM

I'm struggling with this issue myself in a different way.

And it's ripping our family apart

Cephastion posted 6/28/2019 09:13 AM

Hell it's ripping me apart... Limb by limb and piece by piece of what's left of my already shattered heart.

Athena1979 posted 6/28/2019 09:34 AM

Oh Cephastion! I'm sorry you also have this struggle.

Why is this so hard?

I know I have the power to overcome and be graceful. I can be in the same room with people who have hurt me before. I can be kind all the same to other people who have hurt me.

But for some reason..this one person...I lose all of my power...I wilt. I falter. I feel my spirit recede from itself. I want nothing more than to run and hide and weep with uncontained sorrow. And the people around me are like, what's her problem?
It is my problem. And only my problem. I have given this man control over my my mind and my life and my family. He has been given power over me. He takes it with the greatest of satisfaction. Because he knows..he knows that his presence weakens me. He is satisfied because he glories in my weakness.

crazyblindsided posted 6/28/2019 17:51 PM

When that person shows up at a kid's bday or a baptism, and the betrayer approaches, what do you do?

I fake it just like an actress same with my NPD WS.