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Cooley2here posted 6/2/2019 11:00 AM

As a newish member I have stuck my nose is lots of your lives. It is time for me to stop. My Hís ďthingĒ was years ago and it is behind us.
I lost a beloved member of my family before I could tell him how much he meant to me. It woke me up. We donít get do-overs. We get regrets oftentimes because years after the fact we realize that we should have DONE SOMETHING. I am putting this on general because I want to address JFO and RECONCILIATION. Give yourself time and then make a decision. If you are reconciling then accept what you have. You have a very flawed person as a spouse. They harmed you and your ability to get through life without heartache. It is part of your life going forward that you were cheated on and lied to. That is part of the definition of who you are. If you are in the camp of not knowing what to do then that is a decision....not to do something. Can you live like this? It will probably shorten your life. Chronic stress takes an enormous toll on the body. If you are still so angry months and then years later you need help getting past it. Cliche or not life often is not fair. Shanann Watts and her two children were murdered by the man who wanted out of his marriage. Two sets of parents will live the rest of their lives with this unfairness. How do they continue? By just doing it. For all of you I wish you survive by getting on with living. This is it. This is your one life. It is such a gift that I hope you donít live the rest of it in misery.
If you are outraged at me then please understand I have lost all of my original family, beloved friends and the idea that my husband would never cheat on me. I choose hope.

wifehad5 posted 6/2/2019 19:10 PM

Atg100 posted 6/2/2019 19:40 PM

Completely agree with your sentiment.
I recently had a couple of young patients of mine dying.
One said to me ď you canít tell me Iím dying, I have so much living to do!Ē
That struck home with me .
I thought ď why am I wasting my life, fighting my stbxw? ďIt really created an enormous shift in my thinking.
I now focus on living, and accept my new reality .
However, I do think itís a process. 3 months ago, I would t have seen this with such clarity.
And posts like yours wouldnít have convinced me.
This is a journey where we as members here need to experience it ourselves I think.

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