SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

Unbelievable35 posted 5/25/2019 15:55 PM

I posted here last summer after I found out my wife had been having an affair with my best friend (he was also my supervisor at work ) for nine months. After Dday, I did the huge pick me dance against many of you telling me not to do it. Things got better. We were a functional family again around October. Then she started affair #2. She fell madly in love with her soul mate who was my other good friend. She ended up moving out in January.

She left on the terms that I would keep everything except for about $5k worth of items she could sell and she took her vehicle. They moved in together 10 minutes up the road. I was left to figure out how to be a single dad of three young boys, three big dogs, maintain a 2,700 sqft house and huge yard. To top it off I am in the middle of transferring jobs during this time. Zero help from WW. She saw the boys a handful of times in Feb/March.

I had everything written up as we agreed. She sat on it for a few days and then got the most expensive attorney in town. She is fighting me to the ends of the earth now to get everything she can. She constantly berates my parenting and everything I do she ‘doesnt consent’. I dont even want to be talking to this woman. She acts ad though nothing ever happened and expects me to act accordingly. She has destroyed my mind and each day its a struggle to not hate the world.

pearlamici posted 5/25/2019 15:58 PM

OMG - Unbelievable is right - I'm so sorry you are here. I just wanted to answer to let you know that the weekend is very slow here (especially with Memorial day) but that many will be along soon to support you. Have you seen a lawyer yourself? How old are your boys?

pearlamici posted 5/25/2019 16:02 PM

oh sorry - found your other threads...

Unbelievable35 posted 5/25/2019 16:04 PM

OMG - Unbelievable is right - I'm so sorry you are here. I just wanted to answer to let you know that the weekend is very slow here (especially with Memorial day) but that many will be along soon to support you. Have you seen a lawyer yourself? How old are your boys?

Thank you. Yes. I hired a lawyer at no soliciting. My boys are 6, 8, 10. We were married 14 years, friends for 30 years. Its all so surreal. I have been able to detach. I hold no feelings for this woman anymore. I literally want to throw up each time I see her. The thing that bothers me most is she is using the kids to collect as much child support as she can. She does not want the kids more than 50% of the time. She cant handle them. She doesn't care when their sick, or care about holidays or birthdays. In fact just yesterday she told me she doesnt care about their birthdays this summer.

Barf

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:16 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/25/2019 16:10 PM

How can she get CS if she doesn't have the kids more than 50%?

Shockedmom posted 5/25/2019 16:13 PM

Document everything, save emails and texts showing her disregard for the children. Make a calendar of dates showing parental involvement (for both of you). You and your kids deserve much better than she is capable of giving.

goalong posted 5/25/2019 16:40 PM

looks like you are still acting submissive. Make a detail record of how she has neglected and keep neglecting kids. Since this is all over do not antagonize her by telling others (or you can use it as a bargaining chip)

Unbelievable35 posted 5/25/2019 16:41 PM

How can she get CS if she doesn't have the kids more than 50%?

Because I work and shes a stay at home mom. The real kicker is this guy shes living with is also going throuh a divorce with two kids. They have 5 kids staying there in that apartment. She played stay at home mom for three months after moving out too. Now she has a job at my kids school where I see her everday I drop off/pick up my kids.

I wasnt lying when I said this is a living nightmare.

Unbelievable35 posted 5/25/2019 16:43 PM

Looks like you are still acting submissive. Make a detail record of how she has neglected and keep neglecting kids. Since this is all over do not antagonize her by telling others (or you can use it as a bargaining chip

Yes, I was being submissive. Its the unfortunate role I played for most our marriage, especially the later years. I was living by happy wife happy life. What a joke that saying is.

Atg100 posted 5/25/2019 16:57 PM

I also enabled my wife's behaviour through giving in - and thinking about happy wife , happy life.

I just wanted to say to you that I could not agree more: If anyone says that crap near me, I clench a fist.
Stay strong!

goalong posted 5/25/2019 17:01 PM

Take care of yourself and your career. Do not react to or get antagonize by her attitude and actions. Guess she is physically attractive for these OMs to fall for her and she has a false sense of pride and confidence because of that. I think she is on a fast track to get burned out

Marz posted 5/25/2019 17:38 PM

Look up parallel parenting and grey rocking.

You need to limit as much contact as possible.

Most in your situation feel like you have to talk engage, etc because you have kids.

Nope, you don't. You can limit contact. It's your only good path.

It's up to you whether you do it or take the consequences for not.

It is hard to break your submissive passive midset but if you don't you'll just keep yourself in this more than is needed.

If you haven't inform your kids in a sanitized way of what's happened. They aren't stupid and this will help them understand your actions.

Odonna posted 5/25/2019 18:00 PM

There are on-line co-parenting tools for setting up a calendar and visitation schedule, and for sharing information. Find one and set it up, and then keep ALL adjectives and accusations and pain out of it. “Just the facts, Ma’am.” This will be your best documention of her behavior and commitment to the kids. Save every email, and DO NOT RESPOND except through the co-parenting tool.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Strength...!

The1stWife posted 5/25/2019 18:17 PM

I’m sorry she is an impossible person and inflicted this pain on you and your kids.

Get yourself an attorney ASAP.

Get yourself your own counseling. These two affairs with people you were close to is even more devastating. You can use professional guidance and support especially through the Divorce process.

Find out if you can sue the AP for alienation of affection. Some states still allow it. If so, do it. Get him to pay you $$$. And the first AP too.

Then I suggest you get it in writing that the AP cannot be around your children as he and the STBXW are not married. Get your attorney to put this in the custody and visitation agreement. You do not want random guys in and out of your kids’ lives.

You don’t know this guy or his parenting skills. You need to have their interests be first b/c she is being selfish and stupid. She’s not thinking of the kids.