SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/24/2019 11:48 AM

I saw them together! (ETA—-In a public place, not caught in bed) I had a hair appointment and was in the right place at the right time. I think I spoiled their plans! He did walk with me and apologized. Not sure if He’s sorry for what I’m putting me through or sorry He got caught. He did say lying constantly does feel horrible.

So I am still going forward with my appointment and when I leave we’re having a little chat.

What can I say? I ultimately want to reconcile but I can’t force him. I seriously had this played in my head and now I have stage fright.

[This message edited by BrittanyNicole11 at 12:38 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

Marz posted 5/24/2019 11:52 AM

R with what?

That takes 2.

Right now that would be a waste of your time.

Have you done any exposure on this?

Marz posted 5/24/2019 11:59 AM

He did walk with me and apologized. Not sure if He’s sorry for what I’m putting me through or sorry He got caught. He did say lying constantly does feel horrible.

Bullshit translator:

I'm so sorry you saw me with my girlfriend I'll try and hide it better next time.

My lying is horrible but I really like eating cake. So just suck it up for now and keep feeding me. I'm gonna tell you all this because I know you want to believe me badly so I hope you continue that. More cake please. (Smacks lips)

Lp0725 posted 5/24/2019 12:02 PM

Wow you have a lot of self control! If it had been me I probably would've wound up in jail after attacking both of them. I don't think you should talk to him after your appointment except to tell him you're done with him. He's still continuing the affair so there's nothing to work with here. Is she married? If so, tell her husband. Also tell your close family and friends that he's having an affair so you can get the support you need right now. You need to see a lawyer ASAP! Please don't delay on this. Implement the 180 and worry only about protecting the interests of you and your kids. I would separate finances too. File for divorce and don't warn him in advance. If divorce papers don't snap him out of the fog then nothing will.

BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/24/2019 12:03 PM

Marz hahaha that’s probably 100% correct. Im sure he ran back to her and fed her some more BS. She’s too dumb to realize he can file for D just as easily as I could.

I’m in the middle of an idiot sandwich.

Adaira posted 5/24/2019 12:06 PM

R with what?

I second this.

This is a person who is actively and openly cheating on you. He says lying “feels horrible” but he doesn’t stop lying! So clearly it doesn’t feel THAT horrible. How much more of his lying, cheating, disrespectful bullshit are you going to take?

Only you can end this.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/24/2019 12:06 PM

Dear Lady...now you KNOW. Knowledge is POWER!!! He can’t downplay this...because you have the power!

You tell him you will NOT be in a marriage with three people. There is a saying on here. You have to be willing to LOSE the M in order to SAVE it. If you do NOT want to be in infidelity then now is the time to set boundaries. He will either comply or not. But one way or another you will be OUT of infidelity.

I will be praying for you Dear Lady. Either way...it is going to be rough for you (((HUGS))).

BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/24/2019 12:24 PM

Thank you you all! You guys seriously make me laugh and smile during this difficult time in my life.

I looked right at her and smiled she couldn’t even make eye contact with me. Fucking slut.

Yes she is married but her husband isn’t on social media at all (I’ve looked)

I have already spoke with a lawyer and locked him in (he’s the best in town!) i have not exposed but I will probably tell him to stay at his moms. I am not ready to file for D but I am going to tell him that I will no longer be lied to.

Once his family starts finding out they are going to lose their shit. Not only for his actions, but they will also lose time with their one and only grandchild. My MIL and I have a great relationship. I don’t see her accepting her son being a cheater.

The1stWife posted 5/24/2019 12:29 PM

You need to operate with your own plan or agenda and not tell him anything for now but “get out”.

Don’t tell him you are filing. Just do it.

Don’t tell his mother about his cheating until he has been served.

Don’t “talk” with him.

He’s a lost cause right now. He’s openly cheating.

Your goal is to get out from his cheating however you need to.

ASAP. Filing for D may not stop him from cheating but it will let him know he’s on his own.

Lp0725 posted 5/24/2019 12:32 PM

I mean this as gently as possible, but you are currently going WAY too easy on him. If you're not willing to file for divorce while he's actively fucking another woman with no remorse, then what ARE you willing to file over? I mean, what could be worse than that? You're teaching him that he can just do whatever he wants to you and you'll never leave him. You could always stop the divorce if he gets his head out of his ass. Filing doesn't mean it's a done deal. But he needs to know that you're not a doormat.

BrittanyNicole11 posted 5/24/2019 12:37 PM

Oh they were not having sex when I saw them lol!! They were in the parking lot in the same place where I get my hair done. I am thinking meeting up for coffee and shopping (I think this is an EA)
I don’t know why they were dumb enough to be somewhere where they know I would probably be today. I caught them today for a reason

Robert22205https posted 5/24/2019 12:39 PM

Expose the affair to the OWs husband. Hire a PI to obtain his place of work and meet him at lunch.

Odonna posted 5/24/2019 12:45 PM

I would recommend you read SadEyes’ story, which may now be on page two (“he loves her”). She started out in a similar place with her H openly staying overnight with the OW and telling her not to make him choose. Then she had enough and filed and has now gotten her nursing degree.

We all understand the paralysis that comes with shock and the “hopium” that tempts us to accept excuses and overlook half-efforts. But we all have to shake that off and take control of there is to be any chance of a safe future. False R is the worst thing that can happen to you.

Lp0725 posted 5/24/2019 12:45 PM

I know they weren't having sex when you saw them, but you really believe this isn't a PA? They're blatantly parading around town together. Most likely they've been having sex for awhile. Even if they're not, it's STILL cheating! It's not like he's gonna come out and tell you he's fucking her. He's a proven liar.

Marz posted 5/24/2019 13:11 PM

You say you want R? That can't ever happen unless the affair ends. In order to do that exposure is about your only option. His family and other woman's husband pronto.

I've never seen where helping them hide their affair gets you a thing. They only operate in secret and the dark.

If your thinking I'm afraid it'll push them together, her H will divorce her and make it easier for them to be together, etc.

Very flawed thinking. Why? If that's all that's holding your shitty marriage together then you don't have one anyway. You're trying to hold onto what exactly?

Get strong and blow this up.

I hope you wake up

tushnurse posted 5/24/2019 13:13 PM

Brittany honey, it's time for you to step up and show him that you will no longer be abused and manipulated.

DO NOT have a conversation w/ him about this.

Just very calmly hand him your wedding ring, and tell him to get out. Take enough stuff for the weekend and you will be in touch later with a time he can get more stuff and a parenting plan of times when he can see the kid(s).
Be as flat as you can during this discussion do not allow rebuttal, but be firm.

Then you figure out a parenting plan, and you have come get what he needs on Sunday when you are out of the house, and a friend or parent is there, and then you also give him a schedule for when he can see/have the kids and make sure he gets eow, and at least one night a week. He doesn't get to escape reality totally.

Adaira posted 5/24/2019 13:20 PM

Oh they were not having sex when I saw them lol!! They were in the parking lot in the same place where I get my hair done. I am thinking meeting up for coffee and shopping (I think this is an EA)
I don’t know why they were dumb enough to be somewhere where they know I would probably be today. I caught them today for a reason

Oh honey. If they are sneaking around and meeting up for coffee and shopping, you can almost guarantee they are sneaking around and meeting up for fucking.

nekonamida posted 5/24/2019 13:29 PM

Agreed ^^^

I too think this is a PA. EAs when the WS and AP physically meet up are exceptionally rare. EAs where the WS is in love and willing to walk away from the BS for the AP are unheard of. I've been here for years and I know of 1 out of hundreds because the WS was mentally ill and the OW didn't even like him. It's highly unlikely that your WS is the magical exception.

Buster123 posted 5/24/2019 13:35 PM

If you still think this just "just" an EA, I have a bridge downtown where you live that I would like to sell you. Gently, adults involved in A's who are in close proximity have sex period, they're not teenagers holding sweaty hands, please get tested for STDs pronto, You need to EXPOSE the A immediately, social media is not the only way to reach someone, find out where OW's husband lives and just knock on his door (have a friend with you for support) or find out where he works and give him a call. Your WH is in an active A, just file for D and have him served without warning.

Coreofsteel posted 5/24/2019 13:57 PM

Gently, it’s likely you just saw your H in the middle of his double life with his girlfriend. If they can meet up for coffee and shopping, they can meet up for sex. Please listen to the advice offered. It’s based on experience sadly.