So yesterday was 4 years....
4 years since innocence died
4 years since I could truly smile and laugh with my SAfWH.
4 years since i opened a message that changed my World and how I NOW see everyone in that world.
I was honestly doing Ok most of the day...work is busy, and I have to focus when I am there... but I got home and my SAfWH noticed I was not doing ok, but had NO IDEA why. And when I mentioned that it was a tough day because of the Antiversary, he got irritated.... no apology,.... irritated with huffing puffing and I I think I even saw an eye roll .... in fact, he quickly changed the subject and has been trying to act like things are totally normal and fine.
I don't feel able to express my hurt to him anymore... I am so tired... I was just at the Dr for my annual physical last night too... am really trying to get my head on straight, trying to determine if I am just suffering from my PMDD, or is it the beginning symptoms of menopause (I am 45) ... or do I actually have PTSD that exacerbates the hormonal shifts..... my GP has referred me to a couple of specialists and I am truly trying to stay on my own side of the street for healing....
I must admit I was hurt that he was irritated by my sadness and is now choosing to ignore it, but I don't know why I am surprised, maybe because he has been slowly been getting better about empathy.
Just a bit of a rant.... no advice really needed.... reevaluation of boundaries and consequences is in the works, along with increased counseling for me.
BS:46
STBXSAWH:41 (lostinthewoods12)
3 kids,2 angel babies
3 PAs, Too many OEAP (with Sexting) to count... from 2011-17
long version in my profile
