For me, I fully plan on taking time for myself and my healing. I have a track record of choosing and attracting abusive men who lie and cheat. I knew that there was some unresolved issues going on from my childhood so I have chosen to gift myself with the time and space necessary to work on those issues. I do plan on dating again at some point when I feel ready, but I know that I am worthy of taking the time to deal with some things first so that I will stop this cycle of abuse and pain that I have lived with throughout my entire life.
For me, I had been groomed my entire life to not heed any red flags or warning signs when it came to abusive people. I was taught to ignore them at best. At worst, I was trying to replay my childhood wounds by chasing them for the love, validation, approval, and acceptance that I never once got from my parents or from any of my family members. I was replaying the same childhood wound by choosing and responding to abusive people while hoping for a different result. And then I would be hurt and confused about why I was not getting the love that I had so desperately craved.
So knowing this, I am binge watching the heck out of YouTube videos about how to heal from co-dependency, how to recognize emotionally abusive people, how to practice self-love and self-validation, how to deal with and heal from narcissistic abuse, etc. And it is helping me heal those parts of me that were treated so badly as a child.
I am learning things that I never applied to myself and my own life. I am learning that I have a right to live my life on my own terms instead of having it drug through the mud with all of the crap that my STBXHole can manage to put me through. I am learning that it isn't my job to heal abusive people. If they want to stop being abusive, then they will not let anything stop them from fixing their shit. If they aren't doing that and if they are looking to you to do all of the heavy lifting when it comes to stopping their abusiveness, then they are only using you and reaping the benefits of the fact that you were groomed to feel responsible for an abuser's emotional state.
I am learning that I owe it to myself to live my life according to what I want, and that I do not owe it to anyone to leave the keys to my happiness in their pocket. Like you, I did not want to repeat the old patterns of being with men who didn't have any interest in being a person of honor and integrity. So it was on me to learn from my experiences so that I stopped repeating my former patterns of making choices in life.
For a while, I thought I was trying to learn from my experiences in order to avoid the pain of getting hurt again. Now I realize that I am learning from my past experiences because I love myself too much not to.
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