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Thread to myself

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balloons posted 3/24/2019 14:06 PM

I am having a weird day and need somewhere to write down what is happening
It all just seems like such a waste
We still get on so well

TBC

balloons posted 3/24/2019 14:45 PM

Hurts so bad

Though at the same time I am already through the worst

He isnít coming back
It isnít going to be all ok


What a waste what a damn waste

balloons posted 3/24/2019 14:46 PM

Because I really bloody loved him

Furious1 posted 3/24/2019 14:59 PM

I am so sorry that you are hurting. (((((balloons))))))

Phoenix1 posted 3/24/2019 15:20 PM

((balloons))

Hang in there.

balloons posted 3/24/2019 17:44 PM

Our eldest met Her today
At his other coworkers party
Bizarrely Her mum who is our age was there and have our son a present

Our son told me this when he came home

I ended up texting Him
I donít know what came out
In jokes from when we met in 1993
How much I loved him
That I thought back then it was a timeless love

I guess I havenít said these things
He was talking D two weeks ago


I have finally laid my dignity on the line and told
Him how much he meant

Now I really have tried everything
I can walk away knowing I did

Itís nice to be able to post here

balloons posted 3/24/2019 17:50 PM

I donít need him
In anyway
Financially
Emotionally
For childcare

I just really bloody love him

With Her how can it last

She is 28 to his 45
Plain
Thick

He obviously gets admiration moving in her social circles
Can impress by splashing the cash

It is a shallow not very authentic life

balloons posted 3/24/2019 18:06 PM

I will never understand why he did this

homewrecked2011 posted 3/24/2019 19:05 PM

I get it.
These people throw away REAL- real life, real people who really love them for fake. And somehow they just leave their life and move into someone elseís life.

Iíll never understand it, because itís impossible to comprehend. Actually this is what I observed with the younger woman/older man scenario. He tells her how beautiful she is .. on and on, because no guy her age is going to say that stuff all day long to her. He gets to hear how great he is all the time (because heís telling her all day how beautiful she is and throwing $$ out there for her). No woman his age is gonna fawn over him all day, because itís not reality).

I decided to give my children the best life I could. I gave them a quiet, calm home, and took them on as many trips as I could, even for a weekend to get their minds off of their idiot Dad.

Btw he and OW fight a lot (6 years since they first hooked up) Iím told.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:04 PM, March 24th (Sunday)]

balloons posted 3/25/2019 04:51 AM

He was not a man of integrity
He was not an honest man
He made a promise and he broke it
Not a man of his word

Cephastion posted 3/25/2019 05:04 AM

There is also a journaling feature included here on your SI profile, as one of the options listed in the upper right corner where you can view recent posts of yours.

I think it's very healthy to do what you're doing and allow for certain responses and input from other people by putting it on a thread instead of just journaling it.

But since I wasn't clear on whether or not you are wanting other people to respond to anything you are putting out there on this thread or not, I thought I would post on here at least to let you know that that is an option available to you.

balloons posted 3/25/2019 06:37 AM

Thanks I didnít know about this feature!
Still like doing this as any replies that do come through help & I know it is being read and witnessed

Cephastion posted 3/25/2019 08:09 AM

I really like the very simple and visual powerful style of processing that you are doing on this thread and sharing with the rest of us on here.

It's almost a kind of dark poetry.

Me, personally, I process a lot with music videos.

Also I do a lot of journal-texting that is very much like what you're doing here... between my formerly wayward wife and I on a private couple-only app.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 8:10 AM, March 25th (Monday)]

balloons posted 3/25/2019 09:02 AM

Ahh itís not meant to be poetry I have just gone a bit bonkers I suppose and just need to let it out
I am grieving deeply and have had to hold back for Efrain reasons till now


It has all gone kaput
I loved him so

gracelesslady posted 3/25/2019 09:24 AM

No woman his age is gonna fawn over him all day, because itís not reality).

Yes, my XWH confessed this to me as to what made 27 yo MOW attractive to him (besides being 20 years younger than him) was that she fawned all over him, because of the prestige of where he worked.

I was proud of him and he knew it, but the OW was holding a fantasy funhouse mirror up, not based on reality, where he could see a version of himself that seemed much more exciting.

Hang in there, balloons. Am so sorry that you are going through this. If he loses you, it is his loss. He is trading gold for fool's gold.

balloons posted 3/25/2019 09:35 AM

Thanks
It helps that there are people out there who know how much it ducking hurts
Fools gold indeed
I really really did love him

LilBlackCat posted 3/25/2019 11:28 AM

Yes, they often go for the vanity of the new..

Taller, fit.. but will ignore the "real" stuff.. Like broke, alcoholic, dead beat...

Then later, will wonder why things got so messed up.

Cephastion posted 3/25/2019 13:07 PM

Thanks
It helps that there are people out there who know how much it ducking hurts
Fools gold indeed
I really really did love him

It seems to me that you still really do.

And that's why it hurts so damn much.

lettingo posted 3/25/2019 13:19 PM

Hang in there balloons,

I know how you are feeling. Hope is a very hard thing to kill. I keep a note on my phone and every time a tell myself a lie, I recognize it as a lie and then I tell myself the truth. It goes like this:

Lie - He's a nice guy
Truth - He hides behind his nice-guy persona because he wants everyone to like him. It's all a lie. Nice guys don't cheat on their wives. Nice guys don't continue to emotionally abuse their spouses by lying, gaslighting or misleading them. Nice guys are incapable of living a double life for 2+ years. Nice guys don't take everything for granted. Nice guys repent.

ErinHa posted 3/25/2019 14:13 PM

Hi ballons, big hug to you!

"Can impress by splashing the cash" + 28 her + 45 him = one huge midlife crisis.

Honey you are worth authentic love. You are worth getting back what you give. There are GOOD men out there but more importantly YOU are here.

When was the last time you asked yourself what you want?

You said it yourself, he's a liar, cheater and not authentic. Please don't waste another minute of your precious life on this fool.

My guess is once you really go 180, he will begin to panic. Selfish cake eaters love having it all...don't give him your time, attention or your anything anymore. Then watch him squirm when your life is awesome.

Take care of yourself, love yourself. Yes, you are worth it!

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