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Tallgirl posted 9/12/2019 07:12 AM

Update from Scooby

I'm using everything in my arsenal against him. Last night we showed them everything, The police call outs, The subsequent hospital records, My BFF's accounts of what they witnessed & how threatening he was to them when they stood up to him (2 are godparents to all our kids) My kids trust them as they have known them most of their lives.

They now know everything there is to know about him, to say they were devastated is an understatement, lots of Tears, Yelling, Disapointment, Concern etc, Eventually a lot of talking.

Here in the UK we call it an Injunction (RO elsewhere), It can only be court ordered so I'm hoping that will be set up in place soon, definitely before he's released, they all agreed its going to be needed in the future to protect me.

Has been a pretty stressful week but I think I'm back on even ground again.

Till the next time he rears his ugly face again..'sigh'

nekonamida posted 9/12/2019 07:41 AM

Scooby, you are so strong and brave! They may hurt for a bit knowing the truth but it's so much better than them accidentally putting you in a situation where you get hurt by not knowing. You've got this.

Chaos posted 9/12/2019 07:53 AM

Your children now have the truth. The truth is more powerful than his lies. I'm sorry they were beyond devastated. But...the truth will allow them to [hopefully] not be manipulated by him.

I hope the Injunction sticks. I really hope his ass remains in jail.

You are so much stronger than you think.

tushnurse posted 9/12/2019 08:33 AM


You are so incredibly strong. I know that had to have been difficult to pull away the mask on your kids father. But it's good that they truly know now.

Continue to be strong, and speak up for yourself. You are more than deserving of having a good and happy life.

Lalagirl posted 9/12/2019 08:51 AM


Cooley2here posted 9/12/2019 11:08 AM

I am not going to recommend a particular YouTube video, however, you can find an enormous amount of information about narcissistic personality disorders. I am not a psychologist not a psychiatrist so I canít diagnose anyone. What I can do is look at my training and my work experience to understand when I am dealing with someone who wants to win at any cost. A narcissist cannot lose. Thatís why I think you are dealing with one. Look at the absolute disintegration of any sort of common sense. He has gotten himself involved with the police and gotten himself thrown in jail. All of this because he cannot stand the idea of losing to you. Narcissists will declare war on a spouse. Thatís what you and your children need to keep in mind.

EllieKMAS posted 9/24/2019 12:45 PM


Scooby received a letter from stbxWH over the weekend. She is looking for some perspective from fellow SI folks because though she is not 'scared' she does feel that this letter is rather sinister.

Letter is as follows:


Not sure if you are aware of this yet maybe maybe not, my barrister says he doesn't think I'm looking at a prison sentence I have done all the self help classes available to me while I've been on remand.
seen everyone they have wanted me to see attended all groups in here, doctors councillors psychologists you name it I have seen them all.
I have made so much progress I'm even surprised myself as I was sure how you & the police also your solicitors accounts of that day don't match with mine, I'm deeply confused with it all.
I thought I would be away from you for a very long time, but I guess it shows if you do the work & put effort into something you can have a positive result.
also I guess it helps the prisons are at maximum inmates.
So Scooby my heart my soul, it looks like our reunion is happening sooner rather than later.
also I wanted to let you know we've even managed to do a lot of research online to help make me a better husband & father I've been very lucky to find some very helpful people in here.
The reason I'm giving you everything in the divorce is to show you material things mean nothing to me, material things can be replaced you can't.
you are whats important to me & I'm going to show you that for the rest of our lives together.
I'm sorry for everything becoming so confusing before but I swear I will make it up to you. you are the other half of my heart until my heart or your heart stops beating that will always be true.

My love my other half of my heart I can't wait to see you.
I promise no-one will ever come between us again.
forever yours
forever mine

Boxer dog

Odonna posted 9/24/2019 12:53 PM

This is frightening because what it says is that he WILL be with Scooby for the rest of her life regardless of what she wants or decides for herself.

The notion that his recollection could differ so much from that of everyone else (including dispassionate police officers) is not believable. He is essentially saying that whatever he did that was scary/threatening was not intentional and he should not be blamed for it. NO!!!

The short translation of the letter as a whole is "If I can't have you no one will."

So, show the police and get protection in place. Make sure your kids see this also, so they are aware of the attempted manipulation and veiled threats.

nekonamida posted 9/24/2019 12:58 PM

Holy hell. My blood runs cold reading that. It's been 1 month. A mere 4 weeks. There is NO WAY in HELL he has turned over a new leaf even with all the help in the world. I find the line about how prisons are at max capacity to be VERY revealing as to why he won't be serving prison time.

Scooby, why can't he just accept that it's over? Why can't he just leave you alone? ANYONE with even one little ounce of self reflection would understand why someone they've used and abused for decades doesn't want to be married anymore. Isn't a part of making amends acknowledging why your victim is upset with you?

What's even more concerning is that he doesn't believe you, the police, your children, other eye witnesses that he really did what he did. So what's to stop him from doing it again? What's to stop him from choosing drugs and alcohol because what happened last time wasn't really that bad? He hasn't changed one bit because he doesn't even acknowledge what he did wrong or understand why you're so upset with him. And he thinks that some flowery words and a promise to give you everything in D is all it takes for you to let him back in to your good graces. HELL NO.

Whatever precautions you're taking - up them. Talk to your local police about getting a restraining order. Reach out to your domestic violence resources about what more you could be doing once he's released. Do whatever you can to stop him from contacting you because when he figures out that you still don't want to be with him, he will lose it with you all over again.

childofcheater posted 9/24/2019 17:05 PM

This is chilling. And I definitely read it as if I can't have you no one will and the whole sentence about until his or her heart stops beating??? Wtf. Just no...please get this to the police and solicitors. You need major protection.

KatieKat posted 9/24/2019 17:28 PM

Show the attorney and the law. You may need to really hide away if he keeps this up. Let someone else, preferably lawyer, respond with firm language. No contact. Order of protection. Heís delusional. The letter could stipulate a year, two years...
Scooby stay tough. Stay safe. More hugs than ever.

tushnurse posted 9/24/2019 17:33 PM

Oh HELL NO!!!!!

You absolutely need to get this to your attorney and the police. This is a veiled threat at minimum.

Be armed be ready for when he is released. Ask that the prison be mandated to notify you when he is released. I cant remember or pretend to understand your laws but you need whatever version of an order of protection is on file. He cannot be allowed on your property or home.
Your children need to be aware of this letter as well. This is the writing of a delusional man that still believes he is in control.

Tallgirl posted 9/24/2019 17:51 PM

Scoobs, I don't know what to say. He acknowledges your divorce and says I will see you sooner than you expect.

He is not stable, he is not safe, it sounds like he still thinks he owns you. There is no remorse for his actions, no apology, no sincerity. There is no caring or even an ask about how you are.

It is all about him. How can he be confused about pointing a loaded cross-bow at you.

It is all pure bullshit. This is an angry boxerdog who is trying to manipulate you.

I understand that he is not a strong writer, it does make is meaning more raw in a way.

Do not believe one word, the undercurrent is ownership, anger, threat, I'm coming back, see you very soon.

Take this very seriously sweetie, he's not playing.

His version of love is dangerous.

And the helpful souls in jail were not counsellors or priests, they were violent inmates.

This is a worrisome letter. Is he right? will he be released soon or is it bs?

66charger posted 9/24/2019 18:49 PM

A crossbow was pointed at your head. You escaped once but you may not be so lucky again. This was not a threat, it was a promise. If he has nothing to lose, he will consider killing you.

Some may not agree with what I am about to say. It is time for you to consider protecting yourself by every means possible. If that means drawing a gun, then so be it. A peice of paper will not stop this man. A phone call to the authorities may not be possible or too late. Be aware at all times.

RubixCubed posted 9/24/2019 20:02 PM


I'm pretty sure she's in England so the odds of getting a gun for protection, especially quickly, are pretty small.

66charger posted 9/24/2019 20:20 PM

I understand and was planning to edit that out. With that said, the words and previous attempt are so dire, more needs to be done. A injunction will not stop him.

He will not listen. She can run, stay and live in fear or do something, anything to protect herself.

I do not know Scooby and I do not know her husband. But I know what that letter is really saying.

And how in the world does someone get released so soon after pointing a loaded crossbow at someone?

[This message edited by 66charger at 8:28 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

Tallgirl posted 9/26/2019 05:39 AM


I had a big meeting last night at a safe location with my family, police, prosecutor, solicitor & liaison officers...

Yes it looks like it could be a possibility he will be released, but it's not definite.
however even if he is released, he will still be going into rehab, he won't be able to come back to our area until he proves himself safe.
He will most probably be tagged so they can keep an eye on him for a substantial time,
That'll be sorted if & when he gets out.

The red flags have been constant for the authorities so they are fully aware of what's been going on. The police had full copies of all letters he's sent out to anyone.

Personally I think he's not going to harm me, he's going to harm himself, Its not about me moving on its about him struggling to move forward without me in his life, He knows his every move is being looked at, he knows his every move he makes towards me is being scrutinised, Its not my heart stopping that will break our bond, its his!

I'm not worried, I have so much stuff in place,
My house is like Fort Knox, I have everything in my car but bullet proof glass, I am so rarely alone, I have my dog that barks at anything & everything, sensors here there & everywhere,
We have security at my place of work.
I have more protection/people around me than Royalty atm.

Tbh I think they need to be more worried about him than me.

Yes he's definitely still angry but I think its at himself more than me, he's angry he let it get this far, it all started tumbling down around him when I found the swingers site, he's angry at that site & what 'it done to our marriage more than anything else,

I have no hopium left for me & him but I do have hopium he can & will sort his head space out, if not for himself than for his family & our kids.

His letters to (a few friends) his dad, his brother, our kids are so damn sad, so bloody lonely, totally different to mine, in his letters to everyone else he says how sorry he is, how much he's fucked up, how much he can't see him having a life without me, how I've always been to strong & to good for him, How proud he's been of me, he may of thought he could control me but he always knew deep down I was the 1 in control, his letters to everyone else says everything they don't say in mine but should.

Why oh why do I get the fucked up shit, why can't he say that in his letters to me!!

I'm not running, I'm not any more scared now than I have been in all my years with this man.

I will say I have EVERYTHING covered, I have everything legal I can possibly have at the ready, I also have a hell of a lot of illegal stuff at the ready, obviously I can't post it but trust me I have had more help than I ever thought possible,

One thing I have learned through all of this is that I have so many friends & people ready to battle for me if the need arises.

thank you for everyone's advice trust me I have & will be using it all to protect myself & my family.

Tallgirl posted 9/26/2019 05:54 AM

Hi Scoobs

It is so reassuring to hear about the support you have.

Glad he will be monitored when he gets out.

As an outsider to your relationship, who knows nothing of him, the tone of his letter to you is still concerning. He may harm himself, but I do think he is not safe for you. His reasoning and view of life is skewed. No doubt he has gone through a lot - he needs counselling, support and help BUT NOT from you. I think he can trigger and lose control again.

When it comes to you, he has a "MINE" lens.

You are amazing, this is an incredibly tough situation. Your perspective and actions is admirable. Keep it up and stay safe!

childofcheater posted 9/26/2019 06:18 AM

Scooby I'm glad you have safety measures in place however please don't dismiss the possibility that he will hurt you. If you haven't already I urge you to let security and your bosses know the situation, give them a current photo and warn them not to let him on premises. If he gets released, arrange for security to walk you to your vehicle. The letters to others have a different tone because he wants their sympathy. Please don't be fooled. I am praying for your continued safety.

Chaos posted 9/26/2019 06:41 AM

Hey there Scooby.

I'm glad to hear you are hanging tough. And you have good people around you.

I'm sorry to hear Scooby Dum is sending out Hail Mary type letters to everyone looking for any type of sympathy. Trying to find a desperate weak link so he can latch on and manipulate. TransparentAF.

I will say the only thing he feels sorry for is that he has been found out and exposed. And each exposure is worse and worse for him. I doubt he's sorry for the pain he caused anyone other than himself.

I hope everyone in charge of his case can see through his bullshit. Because it is quite transparent and not even original.

Hang tough Scoobs!

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