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Scoobydoo posted 6/30/2019 12:23 PM

Thank you very much Odonna x

StillLivin posted 7/1/2019 02:47 AM

Not on here often, and when I am.i dont always have the luxury of time to read every response. Saying that, I skimmed hurtmyheart's response and found it accusatory, insulting, and really judgmental.
First, no, it does NOT always take two to ruin a marriage. One MFer can screw it up all by him/herself. My X will tell anyone I was the perfect wife and he was an entitled dipshit. In reality, I may not have been completely perfect, but I did try. In return I got shit on. Like others, I too am posting, take what you need and leave the rest. And I've been accused of being to harshly honest. Some posters project their own issues and judgments. Try not to take it too personal. I find the old timers give the most helpful advice. Take a look see at the post count and that will sometimes give you an idea of who has the most experience.
Dont beat yourself up.

StillLivin posted 7/1/2019 02:47 AM

Not on here often, and when I am.i dont always have the luxury of time to read every response. Saying that, I skimmed hurtmyheart's response and found it accusatory, insulting, and really judgmental.
First, no, it does NOT always take two to ruin a marriage. One MFer can screw it up all by him/herself. My X will tell anyone I was the perfect wife and he was an entitled dipshit. In reality, I may not have been completely perfect, but I did try. In return I got shit on. Like others, I too am posting, take what you need and leave the rest. And I've been accused of being to harshly honest. Some posters project their own issues and judgments. Try not to take it too personal. I find the old timers give the most helpful advice. Take a look see at the post count and that will sometimes give you an idea of who has the most experience.
Dont beat yourself up.

Scoobydoo posted 7/15/2019 07:18 AM

StillLiving,

Thank you for your response, I plan on doing just that, the support I have received from most on here has got me to where I am today, for that I will be eternally grateful to them all

Just checking in to let u all know how Iím doing,

Firstly....wow, Wow just WOW!!!

Mexico is amazing 😉

2 weeks in & im still having the best time, not homesick, not missing anyone (apart from my dog) the kids FaceTime me daily 😍

Iíve walked for miles & miles, Iíve ate alone or with different families in most of the different restaurants, Iíve explored the local towns, Iíve even tried most of the tequilas


I have been lucky enough to meet some awesome people from all over the world, itís been the best solo experience of my entire life.

The biggest decision I have had to make this holiday is if Iím going to swim with dolphins or whale sharks 🤔 haha what a difference to a few months ago,

Anyway Iím on my way to the beach again to top up my sun tan.,,oh it sucks to be me atm 😂😂😂😂


fareast posted 7/15/2019 07:26 AM

Wonderful!! Great to here youíre enjoying the hell out of Mexico. Hereís some advice: Keep it up!

Safe travels.

tushnurse posted 7/15/2019 08:51 AM

I am soooo happy to hear you are having a fantastic time.

I hope you do both, swim with dolphins and whale sharks.

I'm also really glad that you chose not to bring your WS along. This is giving you a good amount of time to find your footing again and get stronger.

Odonna posted 7/15/2019 11:47 AM

Good for you Girl! So glad you went alone too!

And it will be interesting to find out when you get back whether he has been up to old tricks in your absence. Donít fret about it, because it is entirely outside your control, but you will have the evidence of that litmus test soon.

I think what your friend said ďare you finally seeing him for who he isĒ was very telling. Others have ďseenĒ him for a long time, while love blurred your focus.

Enjoy the beach and the beach drinks!!

Shockedmom posted 7/15/2019 11:48 AM

Spectacular update! Enjoy the rest of your trip and keep focusing on you.

Odonna posted 7/23/2019 07:04 AM

How are you doing? Are you home yet?

Scoobydoo posted 7/25/2019 02:44 AM

Thank you everyone,
Thank you Odonna for checking in 😊

Yes Iím back, sun tanned, energised, & ready for my future.

Made some fantastic new friends that I will stay in contact with, others I wonít ever meet again,

I will definitely be visiting Mexico again, along with a couple other places added to my bucket list 😊

All sorted & up to date on all news related to family friends & WH,

Seems while I was away having the absolute time of my life my WH done nothing, absolutely nothing, didnít go out drinking, didnít visit friends, I mean absolutely NOTHING!

He upped his IC, he spent a lot of time with our kids & GC, worked a lot of extra hrs,
3 weeks thatís the only things he did.

Iím definitely confused now,

I was so sure he would mess up in epic proportion I didnít mentally prepare for this!!

Can a leopard change his spots this much?

Stevesn posted 7/25/2019 07:02 AM

Yes. If they really want it.

But it will take months or years of it to prove himself changed. I hope he is up for that.

Question, did he ever start AA? I think thatíd be very important. Preferably one that is male only.

Scoobydoo posted 7/26/2019 15:00 PM

did he ever start AA?

I know he's been involved in 2 group sessions weekly (male only), however I'm unaware of exactly what they are for,

His IC suggested AA & anger management so it could be either/both of them.

I'm trying to stay strong with the 180, so we don't really have many conversations about personal stuff, just money/family things if we need to.

I don't want him to get the wrong impression by asking him direct questions.


Scoobydoo posted 8/5/2019 08:38 AM

Am so bloody confused,

In the post this morning I received a letter from a lawyer (didn't know my WH had 1) stating my name only on our property, he has removed himself from the Deeds to our house, in a letter along with the Deeds I recieved it clearly states he's still paying the mortgage for the forceable future.
Also included was confirmation with the Land Registry,
The house & all the money in the joint bank accounts have been transferred to me in my solo account.

Can someone really do this? without my knowledge or signature?

When I inquired with my lawyer on this sort of thing I was told it wouldn't be that simple, as both parties had to agree in writing to change certain things regarding the house or money.

Surely my lawyer would of known about this
I would ask my him but he's away at the moment.


dblackstar2002 posted 8/5/2019 08:56 AM

Stay strong, I have seen this play out twice, On both occasions the wife came back in some form after finding out the she sole mate was truly not her sole mate. Be prepared for that. May not happen but I have seen it happen twice. Let's be real, How well can you know someone simply form talking online????

Scoobydoo posted 8/5/2019 08:59 AM

Iím confused ^^^^ online??

Cooley2here posted 8/5/2019 09:33 AM

Scooby, that might just be fake. Go to the mortgage co and get the truth. Go to the bank. If he has put funds there transfer to one you open yourself.

This is scary to mention but people who contemplate suicide often do things like this.

Ask questions.

Stevesn posted 8/5/2019 09:58 AM

Scooby

I agree with Cooley. Call the mortgage company.

So with WH are you in sit and wait and watch mode? Just wondering if you have a plan for yourself going forward.

What would it take to see from him the next months and years to start interacting as a couple again? And are you willing to wait for that?

MamaDragon posted 8/5/2019 10:16 AM

I think he can remove his name from the deed but not the responsibility to pay the payments.

Not sure what that is called.

Maybe he is really trying to change.

are you living there alone or is he there? I can't remember :)

Scoobydoo posted 8/5/2019 10:47 AM

He's still in the house,

Everything has been staying the same between us,

Still 180, He's doing & saying the right things but as I've read so many times its not about words its all in the actions!

I've just come from the bank...Its is all above board, I have online banking to joint accounts & my personal accounts as well so I could see when I looked, The Joint account has peanuts left in it with all other money paid into my personal 1.
Mortgage will still be paid as its a legal document.

Ive just spoken to my eldest son, WH has led him to believe if he takes all money complications away with me firmly sat in the drivers seat we can come to an agreement on our future quicker, He says he just wants me to know my future is secure in our home regardless of any decisions I make between him & me.

He says he doesn't want to hurt or manipulate me anymore than he already has. using money or our home was 1 of his ways before

with no stress regarding any financial worries I can now relax...In his eyes this is actions speaking rather than words!!


k8la posted 8/5/2019 11:13 AM

Sounds like his heart is in the right place and following through with actions.

However, a caution. If you're in a joint property state, in the event he loses his mind again, it won't matter that the house is in your name only. He can still go after 50% of the value after the mortgage balance is paid.

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