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Noname2016 (original poster member #52245) posted at 3:45 PM on Friday, February 8th, 2019
It’s been a week since DDay. It’s hell of a roller coaster living under the same roof as WH (I have to move out but I am trying to straighten out various things before I do it). WH is probably also suffering from some sort of depression (he has been suicidal on various occasions) and is taking some anti-depressants. He started his IC and the therapist says he will evaluate him in the upcoming sessions.
Anyways. I feel so angry at myself to not being able to detach emotionally from WH. He being stewing in his guilt and crying etc isn’t helping the matters. I get angry, I call him names / say whatever the hell is making me angry, he listens keeps apologizing and then I get angry at myself for even saying anything to him. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️. Like I should just get unplugged at this point right? Any sane / self respecting person would do that. Ugh. Life can be so brutal at times.
There is no point of this post except to just vent.
Me: 35(BS)
Him: 36 (WH)
DDay 1: 2016
DDay 2: 2019 (Different OW)
self-rescuer ( member #35059) posted at 3:59 PM on Friday, February 8th, 2019
Oh sweet one - you need to take it easy on your battered heart.
You are just out of the gate. Please be gentle with yourself. The trauma is real. This is going to take time.
Keep posting. You need support and encouragement and the circled wagons of the SI community.
How are you tending to the the emerging story of your life?
~ Carol Hegedus
manofintegrity ( member #69550) posted at 4:09 PM on Friday, February 8th, 2019
Why can’t he move out and move in with Mommy. He is still a little boy that has not matured into a man yet. This makes twice now, that you know of anyway. He’s depressed and has two affairs. How exactly is that going to fix his depression? Have you kept the two affairs secret so he would not be embarrassed or ruin his reputation? If so, this is why we have so many serial-cheating men in this world. If he suffers no consequences of his poor decisions, the next time a cute girl dresses sexy and boosts his ego, you’ll be on DDay 3.
Noname2016 (original poster member #52245) posted at 8:27 PM on Friday, February 8th, 2019
Manofintegrity - he can’t move out because there are only limited finances we have. I can’t because moving inwith my parents means moving country and my kids are still in mid session in school. Plus because I am hoping my visa gets sorted out by end of this month so that I can get a job and move out with my kids. And no I haven’t kept his affairs secret from either his parents or mine.
[This message edited by Noname2016 at 2:28 PM, February 8th (Friday)]
Me: 35(BS)
Him: 36 (WH)
DDay 1: 2016
DDay 2: 2019 (Different OW)
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:55 PM on Friday, February 8th, 2019
You need to not react to his moments of emotional meltdowns.
It is hard. It is challenging. But it will help you in the end.
As you start to detach you will realize that you cannot fix him. You will also realize that your not able to be his emotional support any longer.
You may want to consider some emotional support for you.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Svon ( member #65627) posted at 3:45 AM on Saturday, February 9th, 2019
You need to do whatever you need to do to survive the moment. Be selfish and do not judge yourself. Your strength and answers will come in time. Right now, just breathe, survive, and take what you need.
roseofmyheart ( new member #59823) posted at 1:59 AM on Monday, February 11th, 2019
I am so sorry you are going through this. Take time for yourself. Talk with a professional as you work through your hurt and anger. You are not alone. I will be praying for you during this difficult time.
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 4:10 AM on Wednesday, February 13th, 2019
Hugs. It is hard. Don’t be angry at yourself. You will get there.
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