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Not sure what to do

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Mossanimal posted 2/8/2019 13:21 PM

I agree that what was written was a major red flag... but they never used fake names. I didnít describe that very well and I replaced their real names with ones I myself made up.

Marz posted 2/8/2019 13:25 PM

^^^^^That's not the issue. You are hoping there's nothing to this. Maybe there isn't but you just don't know.

Find out

Mene posted 2/8/2019 21:13 PM

From what you have gathered so far, theyíve crossed boundaries. Inappropriate texts. Let the OBS now about these. We donít want to alarm you. We are sharing our experience and knowledge with you to help you. Not inflict pain. You need to tell your wife she can no longer spend time with him. At all. Never, ever be alone with him. Tell him, too. Warn him to keep away from your wife.

[This message edited by Mene at 9:14 PM, February 8th (Friday)]

BBBD posted 2/8/2019 21:30 PM

Be very careful with CrossFit, itís a breeding ground for infidelity. I bet they text or post on social media their PRs/WODs and funny Memes. If thatís going on, your marriage is in serious trouble.

Think about it, youíre the guy with a failed business and the other guy takes his shirt off while he works out with your wife. Is that fair? Nope, but I can guarantee it has crossed your wifeís mind.

Mossanimal posted 2/8/2019 22:04 PM

BBBD ... you have no idea what you are talking about. Iím a member of that gym myself and in pretty damned good shape and Iíve also landed a great job since that business failed. I have some things to overcome but they are not in that department. Not sure what you are trying to accomplish with your post other than wanting me to feel worse.

Starzen posted 2/8/2019 22:31 PM

Sending positive thoughts your way Moss. The wondering is awful. You have been given solid strategies by others here, to determine what is, or isn't going on. Please follow them. Go into your own stealth mode and get yourself answers. I'm begging you to do so. I wasted too much time in a false reality, even after I had the answers staring me in the face! Please take care of you, and get yourself answers. It's better to assume the worst and find out you were wrong, (which she won't know anyhow since you need to do this in stealth mode), than assume the best and be fooled for years, as many of us were. Don't delay.

RubixCubed posted 2/8/2019 22:31 PM

Do you work out at the same time that both of them do?

Marz posted 2/8/2019 23:27 PM

It's amazing at how your gut feelings are mostly correct.

So you had some issues. Bud, everyone does so what. You worked on them. You are putting way to much emphasis on what you've done wrong perhaps to try and justify your wife's behavior. There isn't any justification for stepping out of a marriage. Most betrayed spouses do this though. Unfortunately it's more than common.

It may not be cheating yet but "we're just friends" is the biggest lie told here.

Don't dawdle on this. Find out. You know how.

Mouth shut, eyes and ears open.

Marz posted 2/8/2019 23:35 PM

I would also advise you to cut out any needy/clingy jealous behavior. If it is cheating they always find a way.

You can't stop her from doing anything she wants to do.

It's like trying to push a rope.

Does she guard her phone?

Tren0R201 posted 2/9/2019 03:22 AM

This is a very small community.

Than surely it should be easy to put things in place to find out where she's going or why she's staying away late..with your kids.

Butforthegrace posted 2/9/2019 06:36 AM

Moss, there have been a number of threads here involving affairs between WWs and crossfit trainers. It is my perception that this is pretty common.

Mossanimal posted 2/9/2019 06:49 AM

Yeah and Iím wishing for didnít bring it up. My wife knew him way before there was a CrossFit gym, if she isnít working out with me then his wife or his wifeís best friends or my friends are there, the gym is hardly bigger than a garage and working out without shirts is not tolerated... so letís drop it. Iíve been given the tools and I know how to proceed. I appreciate the constructive posts.. a lot. How can I turn off comments now?

Buster123 posted 2/9/2019 07:26 AM

Iíve been given the tools and I know how to proceed. I appreciate the constructive posts.. a lot. How can I turn off comments now?

There's a saying here on SI "Take what you need and leave the rest", however it's not uncommon for people to come here and then disappear because they didn't like what they read, often times to reappear after some time with a new thread titled "You guys were right". I'm not saying it's infidelity but it could be, there are some major red flags in what you posted, follow the advice to find out and use those tools, at best your W is devoting and communicating way too much with that guy (which needs to stop), at worst it's a full flown EA/PA, again find out.

If it turns out to be infidelity I suggest you keep these "comments" on by staying here and have the collective wisdom of SI help you through an awful situation, wee you're member# 69,622 so we have literally seen THOUSANDS of stories here and other websites, every case is different but cheaters typically follow a similar script, we call it the "Cheater's Handbook" and again if it turns out to be infidelity, we've seen it played out THOUSANDS of times and may be able to offer you more "tools" to deal with it in an effort to get you out of infidelity with proven ways to do it successfully.

BBBD posted 2/9/2019 08:45 AM

^^^
Buster is on point.
I didnít mean to pick on you but Iím a CF and Iíve seen it all. My last coaches/owners were Bible thumping Mormons. Yeah, the wife decided to thump another guy.

The red flags are there. You must be vigilant. If itís not this guy, could be someone else.

You said your wife is in PT. And the OM is a CF. She is probably smitten and might have a little crush.

But you want to know what Iíve noticed about CF owners? Their lives look great from a far, but financially theyíre, at best doing ok. The overhead is huge, and the profit margin is low. My BF, as an owner, clears $50K after everything. And heís 6 figures in debt.

You got this, but thread lightly.

[This message edited by BBBD at 11:39 AM, February 9th (Saturday)]

RubixCubed posted 2/9/2019 11:21 AM

How can I turn off comments now?

You can't turn off comments. Just stop posting and eventually everyone will stop trying to help you.

MickeyBill2016 posted 2/9/2019 12:07 PM

Hey Moss-

You came here for a reason, you had the idea that your wife and the friend may be crossing some boundaries. If she crossed those lines is still unknown, maybe a EA.

The folks around here all have different experiences, on a pain and betrayal scale of 1 to 10 some are 1 and many are 6 and there are a few that are 20. Mine was tame compared to others I have seen. Not less painful however.
Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something. But you came here because you felt it was something was out of whack.

Like the State Farm ad says, "We know a lot because we've seen a lot"

Mossanimal posted 2/9/2019 12:18 PM

I do appreciate MOST of the comments. They have solidified some things for me and have given me a plan and hope that Iím not always going to have to live with the uncertainty. Iíve alrwad been sure that they are more than just casual friends... that is clear. I just want it to stop and have everything opened up. If I have to I will ask her what she thinks about recovering those deleted texts. Her answer will be .... telling. If she resets here phone well that will be telling too. Last resort will be going to his wife. I probably should have a long time ago

Marz posted 2/9/2019 12:51 PM

I don't think tipping your hand until you've tried getting info is a good idea. You want to believe her. If it is cheating she will lie, hide and deny. They all do this. Normally you get nothing from confrontation.

Does she guard her phone or not?

Marz posted 2/9/2019 12:53 PM

If you do go to his wife do not tip your hand first. Without any evidence it may be a problem.

sassylee posted 2/9/2019 13:04 PM

Mossanimal:

You have a pm

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