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How to get through a tough time of transition?

Gottagetthrough posted 2/4/2019 06:13 AM

I am going some life transitions now. Kids getting older, donít need me as much, WH is doing GREAT with a new doctor for his bipolar

I have been a SAHM for 13 years. At first, I had other SAHM friends and we did play dates, etc. Before my youngest was kindergarten age, we decided to homeschool the kids. That was another community that I was a part of- people I saw regularly, and I had a part time job at that time too (for a few years). I considered these women friends, and weíd get together socially, etc.

Well, two years ago we stopped homeschooling. Kids go to private school 30 min away (I drive them there). They have sports, too. So basically Iím driving ALL THE TIME. Iíve driven about 50,000 miles in the past 18 months. Some of that is from trips to visit family, but a lot is just back and forth to school and sports!

I have no local friends anymore. I have just drifted away from playgroup mom friends and homeschool mom friends. I have no mom friends at school. I have no social activities.

I have also had 4 miscarriages in the past 3 1/2 years.

I donít know what to do to get out of this funk. I feel so tired so to tell me to do something for me is tough. And itís not like Iím not busyó I am, but itís all vet appointments, kids doctors, kids sports, etc.

How do I get back to me? I did just submit an application to be a volunteer somewhere , but Iím scared they will call meó Iím soooo tired. I donít want to do it. I just want a nap.

tushnurse posted 2/4/2019 07:35 AM

First things first..... see your Dr to make sure you are healthy that there isn't some underlying issue that is causing the exhaustion you describe. Yes our lives are super busy especially when the kids are school aged - until they start doing some driving on their own.
But the level of exhaustion and tiredness you describe seems more than that. So go have a physical. I also wonder if this isn't kinds a vicious circle phenomenon for you, you are so busy with them, you don't see your friends anymore, that makes you depressed, so you don't feel like doing anything, which just continues the cycle of not doing anything for you. And one also needs to consider if there is some underlying depression between everything that brought you here, then the miscarriages too, it would almost be expected.

Congrats on the volunteer job. I have one kid away at college, and one in the house that is in between programs for the next 6 months, and he works pt. He helps me with some chores WHEN I ASK... but never does things on his own. He is 21, and pretty much is allowed to come and go as he likes. My point is I am finding that I have more free time than I used to and have been considering doing some volunteer work at an animal shelter near our home that we have gotten most of our kitties from over the years.

When life started to settle down for me (I work full time too) and I found that I had time to myself some of the things I have done are to go back to the gym this helped me have more energy. Take classes and get SCUBA certified, we have since gotten the kids cert'd as well have done a couple of dive vacations. Other things I have done is to teach myself how to Crochet, great hobby for winter, have something warm on your lap, while you do it, and you can always watch TV or listen to music while doing it. My other latest newest thing I want to do is take some pottery classes, the Jr College near me only offers daytime classes, so I am trying to figure out if it is worth paying a studio to learn.

Also doing all the mom stuff is exhausting. Don't know if you do it all, or if you are making the kids start picking up some skills/chores along the way. My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were 7 & 9. They also were responsible for cleaning the bathroom they used, doing the cat box weekly, and feeding/watering our chickens. They also are asked to cook when home, I work full time (more than 40 hours a week) so the expectation has always been that everyone works to keep the household running. But that wasn't the sole reason to have them do those chores, it teaches them responsibility, and they know how to cook, clean and do laundry, which is more than a lot of kids these days do when they leave for school.

KaleidoscopePic posted 2/4/2019 21:22 PM

I can totally relate to putting 50,000 miles on the car driving kids to school and activities. My youngest is juggling community theater, robotics, band, and scholar bowl right now, and I feel like I live in the car.

I also can relate to missing connection with other moms and to the weariness you speak of. When I read that part, I wondered if you might want to get a check up with your doctor.

As for community, I am wondering if you have a church family and if so, if you might consider joining a small group or maybe if your church has a women's group. The church I attend has 16 small groups for all kinds of ages and stages of life. It might be that you could find someone with whom you connect in one of those groups. And if you try a group and it doesn't really work for you, you might try a different group. Another thing you could do is google the kind of support groups or hobby groups in your surroundiing area. You might find a connection in one of those. But first and foremost, I really encourage you to see your doctor. I know there were three periods in my life where I had no energy at all. Twice it was anemia, and once I got on iron pills, I got so much better. The other time was depression and once I got on the right antidepressant, it is like it opened up a whole new world for me. I am not a doctor. I cannot tell you what might bee the result, but I have had enough experience with that drained state to know it can't hurt to go check it out with your doctor.

KaleidoscopePic posted 2/4/2019 21:22 PM


[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:30 AM, February 6th (Wednesday)]

KaleidoscopePic posted 2/4/2019 21:22 PM


[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:30 AM, February 6th (Wednesday)]

KaleidoscopePic posted 2/4/2019 21:23 PM


[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:30 AM, February 6th (Wednesday)]

Gottagetthrough posted 2/6/2019 03:36 AM

Thanks guys, I think it is some mild depression. I really think i need an anti depressant. I made an appt. to see the doctor in January to get back Prozac (after a miscarriage in 2017, i got back on Prozac. Iíd been on it when Wh and I separated, too) but so much was going on that I cancelled the appointment and never got back on Prozac.

I just had a miscarriage in November 2018 so I think hormones are a factor.

I have been thinking about joining a church, KP. I might give that a try. Iím trying to think where else to make friends?! A health club? And seriously, ugh... the thought of one more activity... even though itís for me... I just want to put on my jammies and sleep.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:37 AM, February 6th (Wednesday)]

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